WORDS – Love vs Lust (Mister Mischief)

After all the Experimental Dater profiles, it’s time for something a little bit different!

Here is the first Blog Contribution from one of the Experimental Daters. And he’s already fast becoming one of the most controversial, which is great, because the whole point of recruiting 30 Experimental Daters for the second phase of the 30 Dates blog was to recruit new voices to the team, and to begin to see dating from a whole range of perspectives!

Here’s Mister Mischief’s take on Words. He shares two different approaches he’s tried with online dating messaging (and yes girls, he admits to re-using the same message multiple times!) and the results he got back from both angles.


Across the globe, we’ve invented aural symbols that allow us to
debate, explore and express the deepest feelings or thoughts
that has and or will cross every capable human mind, past present and future.
Some of these symbols hold greater meaning to each individual than others.
Love for instance.

Love (My search / quest thereof through online dating websites):

What follows is a slighlt modified version of a message I sent to quite a number of girls –
Some were slightly tailored to the individual but in most cases, copied verbatim.

Hello is the first thing that comes to my mind when meeting someone for the first time, someone who I am attracted to but don’t know.
It seems so boring somehow though.
The second obvious thing to do is to tell her how pretty I think she is,
but then if I’ve thought of it I assume countless other guys have done the same thus wearing out the effect somewhat.
Which leaves negging* but I’ll be damned if I resort to teasing and reverse psychology to express my feelings.
Now that you know I couldn’t think of anything to say perhaps you wouldn’t mind starting the conversation. :)”

Now my thought behind this was I want to say something that piques your interest.

I don’t just want to say ‘Hi.’

I’m not Brad Pitt or Will Smith, I can’t just open with hello and expect knickers thrown at me.

Chances are if I was in a line up of 6 average to good looking guys; the girls that I am interested in would not pick me from that line-up.

So I feel like I need to stand out somehow from the countless emails these attractive girls no doubt receive.

I was fairly surprised to find out that this approach fell on deaf ears, on various dating sites.

My assumption is therefore that girls do not like that method of communicating and would prefer the more direct approach.

Which takes me to the next word. Lust :

This is the yearning of my loins
inferred by my brain as dirty thoughts
that my brain then translates into grunts and dilated pupils
and an inability to string together a sentence that would result in the satisfaction of said lust

This is a tame version of my attempt to form a sentence to send to a girl on Zoosk that I had lustful feelings for (since I had momentarily given up on love).

“I <edited> am well endowed </edited>, interested?”

Short and to the point – No response from the very attractive girl.

Either fear or repulsion or the lack of a paid account allowing said girl to respond.

Whichever it was I will never know – this upsets me because as a man of science (BSc Computer Science but a science none the less), I knew not how proceed if my experiments produced no observable results.

What is my conclusion?

Answer: Repeat the experiment … multiple times, just to be sure.

A few responses were received. Do women like that approach?
Results say 40:60. Yes and No. Mostly No!

Regarding the ‘No’s the target audience demographic should be taken into consideration
– i.e. not slags so unlikely to be enthusiastic when responding to the “phallic approach”.
As for the ‘Yes’s it was not ‘Yes let’s meet up and roll in the proverbial hay.’
More Yes as in ‘Haha you’re very funny/ brave to use that as an opener!’

So I’ve done Love and Lust.
Slowly I will work or have worked my way through the various magnitudes
of the expressions available to me in relation to the opposite sex.
In reality there are only the aforementioned two
(three if you include genial cordiality reserved for work colleagues and family)

Well, I’m still searching for the one whom I will develop an unwavering desire to whisper that word (Love) to and mean it.

Mister Mischief

* if you’ve read The Game by Neil Strauss or are male and have not been in a cave for the last 10 years you will know what it is. A short explanation: to say something negative about a girl in a teasing manner used in conjunction with or as an offset to compliments.

To hear more from Mister Mischief, check out his blog HERE.

3 Comments on WORDS – Love vs Lust (Mister Mischief)

  1. Hi Mister Mischief,

    Ok so I’ll kick off the feedback to your post from a female perspective …. I would say – in relation to your ‘Love’ attempts, unfortunately the ‘Tinder reality’ of dating websites is that people look at the photos, not so much the words, and it’s hard to get personality across if your audience don’t give you the chance to speak to them. If you’re aiming for really hot girls, who aesthetically might be out of your league, they might not even read what you’ve said. I’ll admit to not caring what a message says if I don’t fancy the guy’s photo? Which possibly just means online dating isn’t the way you’re going to pull the type of girls you want to pull, and maybe they need to meet you in person??

    With regards to your lust comment – any penis jokes are a no no if you ask me! They just make you come across like a perve (and there are LOTS of perves on POF, Zoosk, Tinder etc) so very few girls will realise you’re joking!

    Obviously can’t speak for every girl, but those would be my reasons for ignoring those messages

    Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

  2. Hello there Miss Twenty-Nine,

    Thanks for the feedback.
    The phallic approach was a Hail Mary – the act of a desperate man,
    I only really used that at a time when I felt bored with lack of responses and probably a little bit pervy / horny / frustrated.

    Anyway I endeavour to do better.

    Regarding the ‘Tinder Reality / Effect’, I think that puts me in a really tough spot.
    I have no clue as to specific places that I can meet the type of girls I find attractive.
    Sure I see pretty girls about town but my “Day Game” – chatting to girls outside of bars and clubbing is terrible so I rarely do it.

    Maybe I just need to seize the day when an opportunity presents herself.
    Failing that if anyone has any suggestions for good places (offline) to meet tall attractive girls, I’m all ears.

    Mister Mischief

    • Hmm … maybe you should train to be a women’s basketball or netball coach??? 🙂
      Sorry, I’m joking – to be honest Mister Mischief, I think this the issue most singletons face – if you’re particularly picky, then internet dating isn’t necessarily the best source of dates, because a lot of judgments will be made on ‘face’ value. Which is fine if you look like Brad Pitt and you want to date supermodels, or you look ‘normal’ and want to date someone else who looks ‘normal’, but if you only ever contact the most attractive girls on a dating website, you need to remember they’ll get a LOT of messages, so it’s hard to stand out.

      I know that the ‘faces’ of Guardian Soulmates – the pictures of users which appear on their cover screen and in their newspaper ads etc, are users whose profiles get the most traffic and receive the most communication. It’s no real surprise that they’re the hottest men and women on the website ….

      Anyone else got any suggestions or ideas? Or is my ‘girl feedback’ completely out of left field?

      Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

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