SEX – Kink vs Sex (Kink)

Posted on October 30, 2013 in 30 Dates, Dating Experiments, SEX

Just realised how crazy that blog title looks! When I post an Experiment post, the structure of the post’s name is – EXPERIMENT – Name of Article (Experimental Dater)

The author of the post below is ‘Kink‘ – our Experimental Kinkster – and the Experiment Topic she’ll be writing about is SEX. So it’s quite amusing (to me at least!) that her first blog post is entitle ‘Kink vs Sex’!

I spoke earlier on Yummy Mummy’s first post about how the Dating Experiments is all about different angles and experiences of dating. And what better juxtaposition – a post about Dating when you’ve just had a baby, with a post about dabbling in London’s Kinky Scene!

Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

‘So, what’s your kink?’ is a question I’ve heard often in the last few weeks as I’ve begun to explore the ‘London Kinky Scene’.

It’s an interesting question, and one I’ve contemplated and considered further each time it has been asked of me.

The honest answer is I probably don’t really know, I’m not sure I will ever fully know, and I’m not sure I want to share it with you upon saying ‘hello’!

It interests me that it is an acceptable topic of conversation immediately upon meeting someone in the scene – now I haven’t been to many singles events, but generally when I’m in a bar people don’t come up to me and ask ‘what are you into in the bedroom’ as an opening line so I’m presuming it’s not happening in ‘vanilla’ single circles?

I find the question lacking, as to me ‘kink’ isn’t formulaic in a ‘I always start with ropes’ kind of way (I don’t in case you were wondering). It is more something that develops naturally between the person you are with, after tension-building, knee-trembling discussion, or on occasion the sly meeting of eyes across a room and a quick, sharp exit!

Which leads me to question what kink even is. Can it be defined? Or is it something which is different for each person? Is it perhaps moulded and shaped by the person you are ‘kinking’ with?

Google defines it as ‘an unusual taste in sexual behaviour’ which begs the question – What is usual?

Is everyone moving beyond the missionary position demonstrating a kinky side or the term ‘kinky’ only reserved for the real deviants among us?

At these events I’ve learnt to get by with an ‘all sorts’ kind of response, which I suppose is true – I haven’t tried it all, I’m pretty open minded and I’ve got a sexual bucket list as long as my arm. So why discount anything too early in the night?!

What it has lead me to question internally though, is what my kink is and am I really ‘kinky’? Or could I merely be defined as sexually adventurous?

I know what I’m into, I know what turns me on and based on the experiences I’ve had to date, I could have a stab at giving you a list of ‘must haves’ in the bedroom.

Does that mean though that I need to give this list to someone who identifies themselves as ‘kinky’ or is my ‘unusual taste in sexual behaviour’ something that can be shared with a nice vanilla date should the opportunity to visit my dungeon ever arise?

So there I suppose is my question, and my therefore my experiment – Is my ‘kink’ more about the dynamic, attraction and spark I have with a person? And should sex be on the table, would that person be willing to tie me down to it should I ask them nicely? Or do I need to be looking to feed my ‘kink’ with people who already hang out in kinky places? …

Watch this space!

Kink