Time for Tabula Rasa’s first contribution to the Blog. One of the first Experimental Daters to be introduced, she’s kept quiet over the past few weeks … But now it’s time to find out what she’s been up to during that time!
I think girls in particular will be very familiar with some of her first experiences of her return to Dating! And the necessary response …!
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx
My first few weeks officially ‘dating’, have been interesting, to say the least!
I have only recently put myself back on the market, after voluntarily taking myself off it for a year to deal with the horrors of a painful break-up,
I had forgotten just how absolutely exhausting the whole thing is.
The outfits, the pre-date nerves. The first awkward few minutes of the dates, the ‘who’s paying’ etiquette. The debriefs with friends and the juggling of diaries and other plans.
However, nothing has proven more exhausting to me, than what I shall refer to as the ‘sex façade’.
In the past few weeks I’ve been on dates with two separate guys. Number One I’ll call ‘The Builder’, because…that is what he is!
The Builder seemed, to all intents, normal.
We’d had a bit of texting banter going back and forth before agreeing to a date one Sunday night. It was actually really nice. We met at Embankment tube station, had drinks in a nearby bar, then walked along the South Bank. We laughed a lot, and got on well, but during the course of the evening it became clear to me that his job and lifestyle is very much a 24/7 kind of thing.
The very next day he was starting a job in Wembley that would mean having to leave the house at 5am, and not return back until gone midnight, and work every single day for three weeks. “It’s the nature of the trade”, he told me.
And so began the following three weeks. Him texting me at 5am when I was still asleep, me replying when I woke up at 6.30am, and not receiving a reply from him until he’d got home at 1am, by which point I was fast asleep. And so the whole process would continue.
On and on this went, for three weeks.
I lost interest after a few days, but decided to stick it out and see what happened. The three-week point came, and he announced his job was being extended for another week. I officially gave up. The texts were as before, banterous and friendly, so it seemed a waste. But ce sera sera.
Then one night, while I was out with friends, I received a missed call from The Builder, followed by a flurry of texts. It was 2am.
“Can we meet up?”
“Where are you I’ll come to see you”
“Cuddles are needed ;)”
A booty call! And I was having none of it!
After no reply from me and no contact since those texts, a week later, the builder then deemed it appropriate to send me a video, and not just any old video!
A video of him…in a moment of…shall we say, “Self-love”.
Delete, block, goodbye.
I’ll call Guy Number Two ‘The Boat’.
We went on two really nice dates. He came across extremely shy and charming. We didn’t kiss on the first date. We had a little peck on the lips at the end of the second. He seemed smart, funny, interesting; all good.
The day after our second date, The Boat texted me asking me to go over to his that Saturday night so he could cook me dinner. Cue all the third date jokes from my friends. But I had no intention of going any further than a nice evening, and nice it was. He had made a lot of effort and cooked a lovely dinner. We had a nice night watching telly and chatting. At 11.30pm I had to start murmurings of leaving as the toll tunnel I needed to drive through to get back over to my side of the Thames, shut at Midnight. He seemed fine, we said goodnight, he texted to check if I got home ok. That was it.
From then on, The Boat just replied with one word answers to my texts, if at all. Then the following Wednesday, long after I’d given up, he sent me:
“Can’t lie, I’m pretty disappointed in the outcome of Saturday night if you get my drift 😉 you should’ve stayed with me…I made the effort after all “
This 29 year old guy was pouting, in an actual state of mood with me, because I had not spent the night with him!
Delete, block, goodbye.
Both of these instances have led me to ask, why is there such a façade when it comes to sex?
Don’t get me wrong, I am no prude.
In fact all my friends will say the complete opposite about me. But that doesn’t mean I’ll jump into bed with the first guy who shows me a tiny bit of attention! The thing that gets me with both of these guys, is why they bothered putting in so much effort.
In The Builders’ case, texting me every day for three weeks in order to maintain contact, and in The Boat’s case, paying for two dates with me, and then cooking a meal. If someone (and I’m referring to both males and females here) just wants a quick hook up or a friends-with-benefits situation, why not just be honest about it?
What is it about sex that led these two to put on a façade that they were interested in something more?
What was the point?
The truth is that both of them would probably have got another date with me if they had behaved like normal people!
Why does sex or the thought of sex, make all sense of decent human behaviour fly out the window? Or, were these guys just strange to begin with?
So, I’m pondering, does the thought of sex make us go crazy, or does the crazy come before the sex?
Next stop, Speed Dating! Wish me luck!
- Experimental Dater Number Five – Tabula Rasa (30blinddates.wordpress.com)