SEXUALITY – Are You Gay? (The New Realist)

Our resident coupled-up Experimental Dater is back, this time with a post about Sexuality, and her experiences of coming out.

Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

Dating has never my strong point.

Sweaty palms, stuttering and spitting (God don’t let it hit their face!), chat up lines and remembering what team I bat for.

The all important question…..Are You Gay?

Forget about the narrow-minded politicians and countries that have serious issues with same sex relationships.  The world today is much more liberal than it used to be.

I explained a little in my last post, Parental Expectations, about how my parents had specific requirements for my dates and this certainly continued into my ‘gay years’.

For my parents, Coming Out was not my finest moment.

The thought of having a lesbian daughter filled my mum with fear. This had nothing to do with the fact I was announcing my gayness, but at worries about how I would cope in the years to come.

How would I deal with the bullying and the segregation? What would happen if I accidentally asked out a straight girl?

Now, lets be honest here, I never imagined coming out would be amazing – cue stereotypical dancing fairies and rainbows!  It was more like having a storm cloud above my head, drowning out any kind of happy thought that entered.

I had the exact same fears my parents did.

I was petrified that I would get bullied and I did.

Before I officially came out there were numerous rumours and talk around college.  Some people were genuinely inquisitive, but others were just downright ignorant. It’s true what they say – words hurt!

Luckily I was never physically hurt. It is horrific what we see today. With people in countries like Russia, Syria, Saudi Arabia, just to name a few, beating homosexuals and treating them like rapists and paedophiles. Some of these places even serve the death penalty!! No wonder my mum was scared!

My fear had more to do with working out if other people were gay!

Hopefully you have all read The Rock Chick’s latest post and are up to date with the workings of our gaydars……if not I suggest you read it!

At points during the last ten years, I have been the stereotypical lesbian that that Rock Chick spoke about, but I switch between styles, women, likes and dislikes so much that even I can’t keep up.

My early years saw me as a mosher/goth/grunger (delete as appropriate) and I think the stereotype was that these women were lesbians. From my experience most of them were. However, future years have proved to me that I was just very lucky!

I have donned the footballer look, the checked shirt and trainers look, and of course the stereotypical never-wearing-a-dress look.

I have never been physically attracted to a female who choses to go for the shaved head boyish kind of look.

I have, however, fallen for these people once I’ve gotten to know them.

The two are very different and I may venture into that discussion in a later blog.

I’ve never been one to wear dresses, though I do on occasion, but I don’t have short hair and do wear the odd bit of make up. The whole world of lesbian dating becomes very confusing at this point.

My mum always says to me ‘if you like women surely you want one who looks like a woman?!’ True mum, very true but it’s not someone’s looks we fall for, is it?

This is where the stereotypes start to fall out of the window.

If only it was every tomboy female was gay and every girly girl, was straight we’d be laughing….but we’re not. If I were to compare my straight friends to my lesbian friends, I think the majority of my stereotypes would better suit the straight ones!

Is this good or bad?  You tell me.

Does this mean we’re slowly moving away from such strict guidelines about how homosexuality is treated and how we’re supposed to behave?

Or are we actually conforming due to the fact there are people out there serving the death penalty?!

Isn’t dating hard enough without having to work out whether or not someone actually rides your bus?!

My gaydar has never been in full working order and I would often find that whenever a lady caught my eye she would either be taken or so far in the closet she was having dinner with Mr Tumnus.

And it doesn’t even stop there!

Even when it comes to pointing out a good-looking fella for my straight friends, it’s often followed by ‘God no, he’s on your team!.

Maybe my Gaydar is just tuned to the wrong channel. Who knows!


Luckily I no longer need to troll through thousands of dating profiles trying to find the one that will match my specifics (and I mean specifics).

Thankfully those of you who are single can quite easily click on the ‘likes women’ button and hey presto!, there are two questions you no longer have to worry about asking. 1) Are You Single?  and 2) Are You Gay?!

The New Realist

3 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. SEXUALITY – A Continuum of Confusion (Rock Chick) | 30 Dates - The Experiments
  2. My Top Ten Posts of the Year (Northstar) | The 30 Dates Blog
  3. My Top Ten Posts of The Year (The Rock Chick) | The 30 Dates Blog

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