The youngest member of the 30 Dates Experimental Dating team joins the blog with a post about Dating at University … or rather the lack of!
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx
So I’m here on 30 Dates to explore the world of dating as a student.
I can sum it up in one sentence: The dating world does not exist for students. End of.
I’m in my third year at Sheffield, and in the two years I’ve lived here I’ve been on one date.
One. And the guy that asked me out wasn’t a student.
So getting involved in the Dating Experiments is definitely going to be a challenge!
As a female student I get the very distinct impression that guys don’t feel the need or desire to date when they are students.
This is both the fault of the ‘uni lad’ culture and the dominance of casual sex in British universities.
The guys persuade each other that no strings sex is the sign of a real man (or lad, as they prefer), and many of the girls get swept up in this culture too – believing that the only way to get male attention is to display that you’re up for it – that you could be that lucky gal that they take home tonight.
The catch-22 is that many of the biggest ‘lads’ are more than likely the guys that actually crave a steady relationship. But since these ‘lads’ are in this casual sex environment, they worry that voicing a desire to date or settle down would make them seem weak.
The girls, meanwhile, have learned over the years that guys aren’t going to ask for their number and follow it up with asking them out on a date.
We know that the guys are only interested in what they can get that evening.
If you seem as if you’re not going to play ball with that, they’re not interested. They know they can find another girl in the bar or club that will go home with them. So more and more girls resign themselves to the reality that the only chance they have of meeting a guy is by going with him.
And thus this vicious cycle continues.
It’s a sorry state of affairs, and I won’t be sorry to leave it.
Admittedly, it came as rather a shock to me. Before I started university I’d been somewhat of a serial monogamist. From fifteen to twenty I was in relationships, so when I found myself single on the eve of moving my life up to Sheffield I welcomed the change and was excited to be on my own for a while.
It was definitely an important journey that I felt I needed to take.
But I wasn’t prepared for the way that the opposite sexes interacted with each other and how relationships did progress. Relationships happen here when two people sleep together once and then continue to do so, until they simply decide to be monogamous. There’s no courtship.
So how can I, as a student, partake in the Experimental Dating phase of this blog? I’ve got no idea. But I’m sure as hell going to give it a try. There must be a way to force some of the guys around here to take me out!
Though I won’t be surprised if, after starting uni single, I will finish it single.
- Experimental Dater Twenty-Four – The Student (30blinddates.wordpress.com)