One of my main motives for recruiting Experimental Daters was to add as many different perspectives to the blog about key aspects of dating. And one of those key aspects of dating and relationships is Sexuality.
Before I hand over to her – I’m still looking for a gay male writer (ideally single) to join the 30 Dates Experimental Daters. If you know someone, or you are keen to write for the blog yourself, please contact me over Twitter @30Dates or by email to email@example.com.
Miss Twenty-NIne xxx
Today, I walked home from work. Usually I take the tram, but it’s been a complicated week or so…
It started well. I joined a gay online dating site in Switzerland. There was a flurry of interest, and within a couple of days I’d been asked on a date by someone happy to communicate in English. Gratefully, I accepted. Hurrah!
I didn’t hear anything for a day or so.
I didn’t hear anything for another day or so.
So, I sent her a quick message – proposing some date possibilities, wondering if I’d not been clear.
She replied almost straight away, apologised for going quiet, but said that she’d started seeing someone else…
Not to worry! I thought. Plenty more fish, etc. But since then I’ve struggled to get anywhere on the dating site – probably because my German isn’t up to scratch, and I’m shy about this fact. Whilst I’m happy enough communicating a bit in broken written German, the thought of meeting someone and having a date in spoken German… well, it’s terrifying! And it doesn’t seem fair to expect people to speak English.
Meanwhile, I read The New Realist’s most recent post – ‘Are You Gay?’
It’s funny, because this is a question I’ve been asking myself for most of my life.
I’ve always been of the opinion that sexuality is a continuum, and, whilst for the past ten or so years I’ve identified as lesbian, in the last few months I’ve found myself flirting increasingly with guys.
I don’t have a good explanation.
Alcohol? Desperation? Something more fundamental?
Maybe I don’t need one…
Anyway, on Saturday night I went to a house party. And I found myself doing it again!
A guy I get on well with, and with whom there has been a bit of mutual flirtation for a month or so … We kissed. He asked me to message him. I blame the Kirsch!
On Sunday I was spectacularly hungover, but I didn’t regret it. Though *confused* doesn’t quite cover it!
In the cold light of day, I am not at all sure I’m attracted to him.
Regardless, by Monday afternoon I was recovered enough to make a decision. I decided to send him a friendly email. Suggesting we meet up, if he wanted.
Seize the day…
I’ve had no reply.
So, how do I feel now?
Confused, yes. Embarrassed, of course. Slightly deflated…
I’m hoping it wasn’t simply a ‘lesbian conquest’ for him. And I’m finding it difficult to accept that I might not be completely lesbian, for reasons that I can’t easily articulate.
I’m well out of my comfort zone, and I’m not sure how, or whether I want, to proceed, on any front!
Any advice welcome 😉
Like a number of the Experimental Daters, Rock Chick now has a special Twitter account – you can contact her @RockChick30Ds