SEX – Covering All Bases (Urban Vox)

The blog’s newest male writer has finished his first post … setting the tone of what is to come with a post about his sexual exploits post-divorce! 

Welcome Urban Vox …

(Was very tempting to spell ‘come’ differently …!)
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

I’ve always been the sort of guy who knows what he wants, and I don’t usually beat around the bush.
 
I’ve been told that is a characteristic of every Arian guy, if so I am an Aries through and through.
 
The same applies in every area of my life, relationships included.
 
Hell, I told my ex wife we would get married in our first date.
 
Funnily enough, 9 months later we were getting hitched.  I think that still annoys her a little.
 
This is also how logical it was, at least for me at first, to leave a seven-year long marriage. It wasn’t working for a while.  We tried all sorts, including planning a threesome with the person that would later become the mum of my youngest son, but that’s a story for another day!
 
I’ve been doing some soul-searching lately, and talking to some of my exes, the one thing that all of them agreed on was the fact that I don’t tend to “date”.
 
I somehow jump from one relationship to the next.  Even if there is a gap between the women, I’ve never really done dating as most people see it, and I always end up in some sort of serious relationship within a couple of weeks of a first date.
 
Realising that made me think again.
 
And after consulting Miss Twenty-Nine on are classed as ‘the steps of dating’, according to the traditional american baseball system (Kissing is first base, Groping – second, Oral – third, Sex – fourth) I’ve decided to check where I went wrong with the people I’ve “dated” since  splitting with the mum of my youngest.
 
Case Study One:
 
I met C on Twitter, and had known her for about a year when it happened.
 
We had a crazy idea  for a photoshoot inspired on a movie we were both watching on TV and talking about on twitter.
 
Just for fun (i.e. because we both thought we could do a better job than the director of the movie!).
 
We booked the shoot for the next day and I drove 160 miles overnight.
 
On the way there, we flirted a lot, and teased each other, going on to reach Bases One and Two within just two minutes of meeting each other.  We skipped straight to Base Four two minutes after that, as a result of a dare she’d set me during the drive.
 
We spent the day alternating between photos and sex, but nothing more ever came of it.
 
We are still great friends, and every now and again we come up with new ideas for photoshoots, never end up going ahead with them.
 
Case Study Two: 
 
I also met K on Twitter, this time through a mutual friend. We spoke for about a month before deciding to meet in person.
 
Following protocol we met for dinner, had a laugh and immediately clicked.
 
We’d spoken before about taking things slow, so there was no pressure in any aspect.  
 
I took her home and as I parked in front of her house we kissed (First Base). One kiss turned into two, and the intensity levels escalated too arriving at Second Base pretty quickly.  The only reason we didn’t go straight to third base was because she was allergic to latex, and so we had agreed to both being checked for STDs before doing anything (Safety First kiddos!)
 
However… something else happened that escapes classification.  Still in the car we ended up manually pleasuring each other, much to the delight of a group of girls, who happened to spot us as they came back home from a night clubbing…
 
We didn’t have Date Two until we’d done the tests, because we knew what would happen the next time we met.
 
Needless to say Bases 3 and 4 were reached on Date Two.
 
We were together for 3 months.
 
Case Study Three:
 
I met W through K.  The circumstances were particularly different, because W is a lesbian. I don’t know exactly how we ended up going on a date together, but it involved ropes and a lot of teasing.
 
First Base never happened… Second Base never happened… We jumped straight into Base Three at some point, and never went to Base Four.
 
Enough Said…
 
Case Study Four:
 
E might be as close as I ever got to following the 4 Base Rule as it is intended.
 
She was a chef in a restaurant I used to go to. We got friendly, had a few coffee dates which then progressed to drinks and a movie. Base One was reached on Date Two. Base Two was reached at about Date Four. Base Three was reached at about Date Seven. We reached Base Four that same night…
 
By Date Nine it was pretty clear that we weren’t compatible.
 
Case Study Five:
 
My next exploit came after a self imposed ban on relationships for exactly one year.
 
And I think I only actually allowed this one to happen because it was a long distance one. It started with Base Two on day one… First Base actually happened towards the end of that day. We didn’t see each other for nearly four months after that, but the wonders of technology made up a bit for the long distance and the lack of opportunities we had to meet. Third and Fourth Base only actually happened on our third date, five months after we met.
 
Time and distance were the reason Case Study Five finished little after a year later.
 
Case Study Six:
 
Case Study Six started as a chat on Twitter about food and movies, which evolved into TV, and somehow turned to frustrations with former relationships.
 
 
As a result we decided to do the casual leave-feelings-at-the-door-and-lets-have-some-fun thing.
And for a while it was good!
 
First and Second Bases were both reached on Date One. A lot more than that on the subsequent dates.
 
Unfortunately… I fell in Love… She didn’t…
 
Friendship remains.
 
The end. 
 
Case Study Seven:
 
I’d known her for a lifetime, but one of us always seemed to be with someone else when the other was available.  We never actually told each other how we felt until recently.
 
Base One happened two seconds into the date as she stepped out of her car.
 
Base Two was reached five minutes later…
 
Forty-five minutes later we gave up on dinner and proceeded to Third and Fourth base.
 
We were together for four months.
 
Neither of us wanted to end it, but circumstances made the relationship impossible. Friendship remains.
 
My Conclusion: 
 
It’s a simple one – I suck at the whole dating game.
 
I want it all and I want it now.  What’s the problem with that?
 
Oh yes… it doesn’t work… 
 
Slowly Slowly Catchy Monkey someone told me a couple of months ago…
 
Today I am inclined to believe that’s right… 
 
Let’s see what 2014 brings…. and what can I learn from past lessons…
 
Carpe Diem! 🙂

Urban Vox

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