It’s time for Lil Miss D, the blog’s newest singleton, to explore what Sex means to her … and what she feels it should mean to other women too.
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx
So … Sex! I have decided to be totally open and honest on the subject. Although it’s not actually that racy to be honest!
Those of you who have read my previous blogs will know I was with the same man for 18 years, and I was completely and totally faithful for all of that time. Yes, I had a few short relationships before I met my ex hubby, and so had dabbled a bit in all things carnal, but I think he was surprised at what I had dabbled in and he admitted that some things he was disturbed by.
This includes relationships with other women and wanting sex with more than one person at a time. (I did say it was no holds barred!!!) I have always appreciated the attractiveness of women and would definitely go so far as say I’ve definitely fancied the pant’s off some of them. I mean, who can’t look at Nigella and not want to bed her? I know I’ll probably get a load of resounding “No’s” now, but each to their own!
This, however, does not mean I fancy every woman on the planet, likewise I don’t fancy every man on the planet.
When it comes to fancying I’m quite particular and I think fancying the person you’re having sex with is a must!
There is, in the art of eye candy, a huge difference between finding someone attractive, and really fancying him or her with heart-pounding, stomach-churning passion. The latter most definitely generates a far better class of sex.
By this I mean that I believe that there are different types of sex.
There is the sex to fulfil the “need” when you’re feeling horny, with people you find attractive but perhaps have not necessarily clicked with.
Then there is sex with someone who intrigues and entices you, where your eyes lock onto each other and there is only you and him/her in the whole universe. Someone who makes your soul feel alive and your heart happy, and this gives you the magnum of sex. And like a magnum, it is powerful and deadly and can blow your head clean off – or so it feels!
I know this from much recent experience.
I wrote in a previous blog about M, who I have been seeing for the last 4 months. The passion there is tangible. We meet, and simply cannot get enough of one another.
However, after being in an 18 year relationship, the last thing I want to do is settle down (neither does M following a break-up) and so I have been actively dating other people, sometimes to the extreme with 2 dates on the same day!
And yes, I have slept with some of them, with every intention of never seeing them again. Is this bad? I think not. I have recognised the need for passion and desire within my beating heart and veins, and I believe that same drum beats loudly in most humans, although some may muffle their beat to please and placate society.
And this brings me on to the social perception of what is acceptable in relation to sex, for the opposite sexes.
Miss Twenty-Nine touched on this topic earlier this week, and it’s one that I feel extremely strongly about.
I recall being a teenager and feeling furious at the fact that a man who “got about” was labelled a stud, yet a girl who did the same was called the “College Bike”. And I remember noticing how this attitude was accepted across the whole of society. By the way I was not the “bike”, but here I am proving the fact that this stigma still ensures today, as I care enough to not want any of you to think it was me! So although this social attitude angers me to a huge degree, I am also guilty of taking part due to conformity. And I think it is bloody time we changed the whole of society’s attitude.
Women are hot-blooded complicated creatures, who crave sex as much as any man, and yet are brought up to deny this desire.
Why? What is so bad about sex?
In my experience sex is totally the opposite of bad.
Which leads me to think about how society has changed, and possible factors that may have contributed.
For example, many years ago there was no birth control, and so of course measures would have been taken to dissuade girls and women from having sex as the outcome back then was more than likely to be pregnancy.
And back then men tended not to want a woman who had already had children with another or other men, mainly because they would then not be providing for their own offspring and genes, and at the end of the day sex is about reproduction of our own genes.
How enjoyable sex is just so happens to be a happy bonus and by-product of the functional act of procreation.
So, I want to wave the banner for all women out there to not be embarrassed about sex, or the amount of sexual partners they have had, or where they’ve had sex, or how many one night stands they can’t count on both hands, or what their sexual preferences are (Of course ladies I am trusting you here to not go out and break any laws!)
I mean, let’s face it girlies, when we are with sitting chatting with our closest friends, the topics of sex, who it’s with, how good it was, and yes fellas, how big it is ;-0, are all sizzlingly hot topics that we just LOVE to talk about. And I know it’s not just me and my friends. The amount of conversations I have heard in coffee shops and ladies public loo’s etc, of women whispering about the goings on of the previous night … fellas, believe me when I say some of this would make you blush. Think of three witches talking hushed and hurriedly, and cackling around a cauldron – you get the picture!!
So Ladies! I firmly believe that we should throw our shoulders back and hold our heads high, and smile our dazzling smiles, proud in the fact that we are sexual beings.
Bin those shackles (or not if that’s what you’re into!!! ;-0), let those eyes twinkle and get out there and enjoy yourselves. Safely and sensibly of course, as we do after all live in an age of STD’s and unwanted pregnancies. And I am not recommending that everyone goes out there and has a massive gang bang or does 30 one night stands in as many nights!
You have to do what you are comfortable with, and only you know your own boundaries.
But get out there and do a little, or a lot, of what you fancy, because remember, you only live once so go and enjoy yourself……..
Lil Miss D xxx