SEXUALITY – The Gold Star Label (The Rock Chick)

After The New Realist’s upfront and detailed post on the ins and outs of lesbian sex (thanks @TheNewRealist!), I think I can afford to be a bit more prosaic, and so you won’t be hearing any details about my sex life today! 😉

Instead, I thought I’d write a bit about the pros and cons of LABELS. With reference to one in particular, but also just a brief a general look at the topic, from my (no doubt, skewed) perspective.

It’s not uncommon in the gay community to hear statements like:

‘I hate labels’

‘I don’t want to be pigeon-holed’

‘I don’t like to put myself in a box’

But, on the other hand, labels have their advantages.

I’ve self-defined as a lesbian for about 10 years now and have behaved more or less as the label implies, with just a couple of recent exceptions. But I like the label, because it gives me the feeling that I belong. Belong to some greater being. A community.

Belonging is good. I think most people like it. That’s why we join clubs, hang out in groups, queue…  OK, maybe the latter is just a British thing, but you know what I mean! Belonging is reassuring.

I’ve noticed that calling myself a lesbian also gives me a degree of freedom in my interactions with the opposite sex. Regardless of whether I like a boy, or not (and that’s a big question!), I don’t feel any pressure in my interaction with him, in the way I would with a girl I like. There is no pressure. No expectation on either side. And if something materialises, it’s just an unexpected bonus (?!). Or perhaps just the source of much confusion on both sides!

But there are labels that take things too far.

I wanted to give the example of the ‘Gold Star Lesbian’. It’s a label I don’t like. To me, it implies that there are different ‘grades’ of lesbian. I’ve thought about this distinction for a long time, both when I was one, and now…

So what is a Gold Star Lesbian?

Officially: ‘A lesbian who has never slept with a man’

A definition that is, in itself, rather vague… But let’s take it to mean penetrative sex with a man, as it is for this that it is usually employed.

My problem with this particular label is that it ignores the possibility that sexuality is a continuum, and that it seems to me to be anti-bisexuality.

It implies that someone who has never had sex with a man is somehow a ‘better lesbian’, than someone who has. Regardless of life history, or current relationship status, or, or, … Labels shouldn’t be ANTI- things. They should be positive groupings.

In fact, as I was writing this I googled the term, and found someone else’s blog on the exact same topic, who puts it much more eloquently, and has clearly put much more thought into it than I have. You can read it here.

For me, how you define your sexuality is something for you, yourself to work out.

And who you have sex with, is an intensely personal choice.

I fall in love with the person.

It just so happens that men are in a minority for me.

Someone actually asked me to define my sexuality last week, and I said, if pushed, at the present moment, I’d say 80:20 (women:men, obviously!). In general, I find women more attractive. But if the right man came along… I couldn’t rule it out. I would be foolish to.

Just now, a pretty good woman has come along…

So, that’s it. Mini-rant over. Have fun all!

The Rock Chick

30 Comments on SEXUALITY – The Gold Star Label (The Rock Chick)

  1. Gold star lesbian. // June 23, 2014 at 3:21 pm // Reply

    ”Someone actually asked me to define my sexuality last week, and I said, if pushed, at the present moment, I’d say 80:20 (women:men, obviously!). In general, I find women more attractive. But if the right man came along… I couldn’t rule it out. I would be foolish to.”

    You’re obviously not a lesbian, so stop co-op identity that doesn’t belong to you. Just own your bisexual/pan identity and stop lying.

    • Thanks for your comment – I’ll be honest, I think your tone is a bit aggressive …
      Have tweeted The Rock Chick to reply, as it’s her post, and her sexuality!
      Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

  2. I believe this post is designed to discuss the labels in the LGBT community and whether they are appropriate or not. You clearly do not want anyone who has ever slept with the opposite sex in the ‘lesbian’ arena yet you can quite clearly push them into an alternative label to suit your needs. It is neither here nor there if you want to sleep with a man or a woman this blog is purely an opinion and not fact. My personal opinion is that if the majority of people you have relationships with are women then why not call yourself a lesbian. A lesbian is defined as a woman who is attracted to another woman. At no point is it said that you cannot find the opposite sex attractive and this is the point being made here. The blog talks about the gold star lesbian and lets be fair i think they are in the minority amongst the lesbian community. Peoples opinions are there own and the whole idea around the blog is to hear everyones. As a contributor to the blog i appreciate all comments but statements such as yours should be kept to yourself.
    TheNewRealist

    • Gold star lesbian // June 30, 2014 at 7:15 am // Reply

      Homosexual women sexual identity is not for anybody to play around like it’s has no meaning. I don’t want to keep it to myself and I’ll keep going to called out this fake lesbians bullshit when I see one.

  3. The Rock Chick // June 24, 2014 at 8:51 am // Reply

    Wow. That’s a bit intolerant, isn’t it? I was just making some general comments regarding labels as positive groupings, and the continuum of sexuality as I see it.. You’re entitled to your own opinion, but I don’t believe I’m lying, either in the post or to myself.

    How I self-define is my business, not yours. Having dated only women for the last 10 years I think I’m allowed to call myself a lesbian. Whether you or other people define me as that or not is, to me, unimportant..

    • Gold star lesbian // June 30, 2014 at 7:23 am // Reply

      How’s am I being intolerant for standing up homosexual women sexual identity and not letting non lesbians to erase the true meaning of it? You can identified yourself as a GOD, PANDA BEAR or whatever but it doesn’t you’re one right?

      Women who attracted to men has their own identity, so don’t erase homosexual women identity which is solely attracted to women and not men. If you have any empathy, you’ll not co-op lesbian identity because when you do fuck men while you still claiming to be lesbian, you’re give an ”ex-gay” movement an ammo. You can dated women for the rest of your life for all I care but if you still have any attraction towards men in any form, you’re NOT a lesbian. PERIOD.

      • Wow! Well thank you for proving that you can be any sexual orientation and still a narrow-minded, intolerant human being! You’re not standing up for people, you’re picking a nasty, irrelevant fight! I agreed these comments to show readers your response, however I won’t be showcasing your nasty views any further, so if you have nothing else to add, please don’t comment again.

        30 Dates is an all inclusive, open blog, however these comments are just nasty and narrow-minded, and I find it odd you are so passionate about how someone else self-defines, when this post wasn’t even about her own label!

        Miss Twenty-Nine xx

  4. Gold star lesbian // June 30, 2014 at 7:57 am // Reply

    You just want to silent lesbians and our voice. If by defending my people sexual identity from non lesbian who wants to tainted our identity as a ”narrow minded”, so let it be. ”Ex- gay” movement must feel very proud to have a people like her being a fake lesbian who fuck a dude. Your political correctness bring more harm than good, just saying.

    P/s: Goldstar lesbians are not the minority like people want to believe. We just don’t scream our purity identity to other people that much.

  5. After attending an amazing London pride event this weekend, tens of thousands of people celebrated the LGBT lifestyle and try and show people that we are no different to anybody else. This is what the community is all about. Your comments about ‘my people’ are so far from the truth. I can certainly say that i never want to be on of your people and would much rather stand with someone who is honest about their lifestyle and not someone who wants to judge everyone elses.

    • Gold star lesbian // June 30, 2014 at 9:32 am // Reply

      ”I can certainly say that i never want to be on of your people and would much rather stand with someone who is honest about their lifestyle and not someone who wants to judge everyone elses.”

      Honest about their lifestyle? Honesty is the last thing that come out from fake people mouth. Good, as far as honesty goes, we don’t want to mingle with fake people pretending to be one of us while perpetuating the the myth about lesbian sexuality behind our back. I wonder how many people attending London ”pride” while being fakes especially fake lesbians?

  6. Well i am definitely a lesbian but i have no problem with anyone who wants to identify themselves as a lesbian whether they have slept with a man or not. People have fought and continue to fight for freedom. People should be allowed to identify as whatever they feel fits them best and as long as it makes them happy, why should anyone else be offended. I would understand if someone elses actions were causing issues for others around them but in this case they really aren’t. The argument being put forward, although strongly felt by you, has little or no effect on anyone but the person who is expressing their own feelings and identity.

    • Gold star lesbian // June 30, 2014 at 12:56 pm // Reply

      ”People should be allowed to identify as whatever they feel fits them best and as long as it makes them happy, why should anyone else be offended. I would understand if someone elses actions were causing issues for others around them but in this case they really aren’t.”

      People who has a respect for women and lesbian sexual identity won’t dare to co-op the label that doesn’t belong to them. Fake lesbian trying to steal homosexual women identity is a sign of mockery and insulting to women who fight for being recognized as a women who has no desire/attracted to men in any form.

      These fake lesbians don’t bring harm? Tell that to the corrective rapes victims that happened to lesbians for being a primary target by men to cure them, so they can be straight. Fake lesbians who co-op the lesbian label and them fuck men will give a false advertisement that lesbians can be cure. Are you kidding me that these fake lesbians don’t bring any harm at all? I have no respect at all for these fake lesbians. You’re so naive and selfish if you think people can co-op any label as they wish. NO they don’t have any right to steal other oppressed minority group identity as they wish.

      Is this why these fake lesbians have problem with a goldstar lesbians? Goldstar lesbians show their strength for never bow to heterosexism from the beginning and fake lesbians try to silent and dismiss us by saying that we’re the minority since all women should be bow to dick at some point of their life right? People can’t grasp any women who NEVER in her life worship a dick do EXIST.

      • Can I just ask – what country are you writing from? I sense English isn’t your first language- do you live in Britain or the States? Am intrigued if there is a cultural background to your extreme views? Thanks Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

      • As for a ‘bunch of fake lesbians’ running this site- i must be an appallingly bad fake lesbian, seeing as all I write about is dating men! 😉

  7. Gold star lesbian // June 30, 2014 at 9:38 pm // Reply

    I’m from Sweden but currently working in Malaysia. What’s the matter, you guys don’t have a valid point but care about my grammar instead? Ask any real lesbians from other part of the world, they’ll the same view as me. The real one, not the fakes like you guys.

  8. i would love to know why i am a fake lesbian? i have merely agreed to an opinion of a fellow blogger not changed my sexuality. This i believe shows the narrow mindedness of a reader who is purely out to pass judgement on other peoples views which are and always will be the owners view and not everyones.

    • Gold star lesbian // June 30, 2014 at 11:52 pm // Reply

      Your lesbianism can’t be taken seriously since you defend those people who are not ashamed for perpetuating the misogynist view that lesbians just need a good D, waiting for a mr.right to come along, and lesbians just don’t exist. I’ve heard many times from men that they claimed they slept with a ”lesbians” and those ”lesbians” certainly like it. Yikes! This nonsense stereotypes exist because of these fake lesbians and you don’t see any problem with that? Why people find it’s so hard to embrace their true identity especially if they live in the liberal countries? If women likes men in any form, they’re not a lesbians and that’s fine. Lesbians has been disrespect by bisexual women and other people for a long time and ”lesbian” like you just watch and defend those people in the name of ”freedom” and ”progressiveness”.

      I don’t want to associate with a ”progressive mentality” in the name of political correctness coming from some ignorant people if it’s bring a harmful consequences to my kind. If you dare to put your views.opinions publicly, you should expect to get a response and the response could be positive or negative.

  9. After I read this blog post some months ago, it left me with a sense of uneasiness that I couldn’t quite place. After a little commenting war broke out that seemed rather trollish in nature, I decided to have a closer look again – at the contents of the blog post and comments, and at my own thoughts.

    I agree that from the first comment on, GoldStar’s comments appeared very aggressive in an environment that should foster tolerant discussion. I was wondering about where this hostile tone stemmed from. Had she just accidentally had an absolutely awful day, or was there some actual content-related outrage?

    She reclaims the label ‘lesbian’ rather aggressively for women without any, even the slightest, bisexual interests. This seems intolerant and aimed at exclusion. Shouldn’t sexual minorities welcome with open arms anyone deciding to assume their label? Isn’t that what tolerance is about?
    The only reason I could think of why a sexual minority (or any other minority) should strive to exclude others is the fear of their identity being ‘watered down’ and gradually disappearing. This could be positive: Society has accepted and successfully integrated the minority, found a range of new descriptive terms and the label has now become superfluous, yay! But on the other hand, it could also mean that the existence of this minority is simply publicly negated. This may be why GoldStar is fretting about having a label for exclusively homosexual females.

    To me there seem to be various misconceptions about human sexuality and one of them, unfortunately, is “Lesbians are just girls that didn’t find the right guy yet.” Does that sound outrageous to you? The media aren’t very helpful in this either, calling persons that self-label as bisexual ‘homosexual’ and then acting very surprised when these turn to the opposite sex.

    “But if the right man came along… I couldn’t rule it out.” This sentence might be the spark of misunderstanding. What I take it to mean is “I am lesbian, but also an open-minded person, and you never know what you will discover about yourself one sunny Tuesday morning!” Makes perfect sense to me: Just recall the day you suddenly loved liquorice! Or Tarantino movies! Or brussel sprouts! Or (censored thoughts)!
    What GoldStar might read here: A sentence fuelling the belief that exclusively homosexual women don’t actually exist. Might she actually be afraid for her own sexual identity to be denied or publicly belittled as ‘you may call yourself a lesbian, but if you met ME let’s see whether you’d resist’? This is something she may not have to worry about in liberal-enlightened Sweden; but in Malaysia, as matters stand, the situation looks a bit more discomforting (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Malaysia)…

    What she seems to ignore or deny is that it’s quite normal for our sexual orientation to change during our lives; or to be unraveled in the first place! Would she have complained if the rock chick wrote ‘I did it with a guy once or twice but figured out that wasn’t really my thing; so I am a lesbian’? I hardly think so.

    But then what was it that made me uneasy? I think it was: The ease with which the rock chick states her sexual identity is rather fluid. Is that true for me? Or the people I deal with during my dating history? Sexual identity seems something most people like to feel about as one of those nice broad pillars supporting their identity. Cause contrary to what people say, we do take a little comfort in pigeon-holing ourselves. Or I do. It’s discomforting having that pillar verbally eroded!

    So how to live on the continuum? I, like the rock chick, am a natural scientist, and as such taking comfort in numbers. How about doing away with labels altogether, and reverting instead to the (arguably dated) Kinsey scale? A scale between 0 and 6, where 0 means ‘exclusively hetero’ and 6 ‘exclusively homo’.

    Just numbers. No labels, no judgment, no sharing-your-label-with-80000/odd-greek-islanders-of-presumably-variable-sexual-identity. (I found out “He is Lesbian and so were his father and grandfather” is a perfectly legit claim about some blokes).

    Although I acknowledge the temptation of fixing labels to the scale (I’m quite fancying calling myself a panda bear bisexual, which would stand for a Kinsey range of 1.8 to 3.6, and be sure to find panda bear friends!) the pure numbers have another obvious advantage: If you make the scale continuous, you can account for 7.174 billion different sexual identities, no problem.

    • Gold star lesbian // July 15, 2014 at 12:59 pm // Reply

      ”She reclaims the label ‘lesbian’ rather aggressively for women without any, even the slightest, bisexual interests. This seems intolerant and aimed at exclusion. Shouldn’t sexual minorities welcome with open arms anyone deciding to assume their label? Isn’t that what tolerance is about?”

      I’m not gonna apologize and tolerate bullshit spew from the fake lesbians. Yes, the term lesbian is for exclusively homosexual women and nobody has the right to change the meaning of it to suit whatever you want. It’s not intolerant for defending our sexual identity which seems to be attacked constantly by trying to make homosexual women sexuality to be inclusive when it’s NOT. There’s already term for women who likes men, so why people still want to tarnished the identity for us as a homosexual women? It’s a misogynist agenda, I’d say. It’s so obvious. Fake lesbians actually feed the misogynist agenda bullshit and flipped out when real lesbians called out on their bullshit.

      “But if the right man came along… I couldn’t rule it out.” This sentence might be the spark of misunderstanding. What I take it to mean is “I am lesbian, but also an open-minded person, and you never know what you will discover about yourself one sunny Tuesday morning!” Makes perfect sense to me: Just recall the day you suddenly loved liquorice! Or Tarantino movies! Or brussel sprouts! Or (censored thoughts)!

      Sound like a true bisexuals will gonna say that! I’m not surprised. You want to know what will TRUE lesbians will say about their sexual orientation? ” I’D RATHER DIE THAN LIE TO MYSELF BY HAVING A CONNECTION (sexually, mentally, physically) WITH A MEN, I’M VERY SURE ABOUT MY LESBIAN SEXUAL IDENTITY JUST LIKE I’M SURE THAN MY VAGINA/VULVA WON’T TURN INTO A PEEN MAGICALLY..ETC”. You guys get and see the difference between lesbians and bisexuals? There’s a solid tone when real lesbians describes their sexual orientation compared to bisexual women.

      ”What she seems to ignore or deny is that it’s quite normal for our sexual orientation to change during our lives; or to be unraveled in the first place!”

      Sexual orientation DOESN’T CHANGE. Those who believe that sexual orientation can change are HOMOPHOBES. That’s why corrective rapes happened that specifically target lesbians while gay males has to be in the concentration camp. Sexual fluidity ONLY exist to people who are in the grey area of sexuality such as bisexuality/pansexuality. Bis/pans people who mislabel themselves as gay bring more harm than good because they give an ”ex-gay” movement an ammo. Homophobes bisexuals exist and their main mantra for their delusional agenda is that they claimed that ”EVERYBODY IS A BISEXUAL” bullshit. I wonder why the hell they’re included in the gay community since they’re so homophobic, having a multiple faces and like to play a ”victim” card most of the time.

      ”Just numbers. No labels, no judgment, no sharing-your-label-with-80000/odd-greek-islanders-of-presumably-variable-sexual-identity. (I found out “He is Lesbian and so were his father and grandfather” is a perfectly legit claim about some blokes).”

      WTF? Men who want to claim that they’re lesbians shouldn’t be taken seriously. In real world and the natural state of human conditions, label matter to us to understand things. The problem is, people try and want to complicated things which is actually quite simple. People who hate labels and want them to be eliminated will not have their wish to be true because it’s against the human nature since language and words exist for a reason. Words bring the labels and that’s how we can connect the puzzle to understand things. The Kinsey scale ”studies” has many flaw but many ignorant people worship Kinsey’s like he’s a prophet. His ”studies” can’t be put as a benchmark for human sexuality and for those people who still brought up his name when discussion about human sexuality are ignorant.

  10. In reply to:

    “Sexual orientation DOESN’T CHANGE. Those who believe that sexual orientation can change are HOMOPHOBES. That’s why corrective rapes happened that specifically target lesbians while gay males has to be in the concentration camp.”

    You are undermining your own cause. By holding ‘non gold star’ people identifying as ‘lesbian’ partly responsible for the occurrence of corrective rape, you are blaming the victim. The energy should be 100 % focussed towards the people who persecute and physically assault anyone within the LGBT community for their sexual orientation, not towards the people within your community. What you’re saying is similar to “women who dress provocatively are responsible for encouraging men to rape all women”.

    You are asking people like Rock Chick to deny their own natural sexual orientation in order to fit within your perceived boundaries. Your current attitude towards the fluid nature of sexual orientation is intolerant. You can rant and capitalise words as much as you like, but you are wrong and you words are hateful. I am sorry that you are so polarised against the male sex, and so horrified and repulsed at the idea of interacting with them. That is obviously a personal issue of your own and should not be used as a motive for telling other people how they may describe themselves. I hope you are okay…

    A person can easily change their sexual orientation within their lifetime. Of course they can. Humans are complicated and being able to lead a non-persecuted LGBT lifestyle is a first for our generation. Now that we have fought for and are gaining equal status, we can start to fully explore and celebrate how complex human sexual orientation can be. If you are still living in the past, that’s your choice, but don’t impose that upon other people.

    • Thank you for commenting with a sensible, and tolerant comment – something which has been unfortunately missing from a lot of the dialogue on this post!

      30 Dates is always happy to show different views on things, but the ‘Gold Star’ has now had far too much airtime, and will no longer be allowed to post on this blog, because her comments are considered hateful and offensive.

      Cheers
      Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

    • ”The energy should be 100 % focussed towards the people who persecute and physically assault anyone within the LGBT community for their sexual orientation, not towards the people within your community. What you’re saying is similar to “women who dress provocatively are responsible for encouraging men to rape all women”. ”

      She’s right about that. There’s no smoke without fire. I thinks she meant that fake lesbians help perpetuating the misogynist crap about lesbians although we know who is the main persecuters.

      ”You are asking people like Rock Chick to deny their own natural sexual orientation in order to fit within your perceived boundaries. Your current attitude towards the fluid nature of sexual orientation is intolerant.”

      She never said or asking the Rock Chick to deny their sexuality. She simply asked her to stop being fake and co-op the sexual identity that doesn’t belong to her. That’s offensive to lesbians in general. I can say the same thing to you that you being oppressive towards people who has the solid sexual orientation by tarnish our sexual identity and change it to your own selfish sexual ”fluidity”.

      ”I am sorry that you are so polarised against the male sex, and so horrified and repulsed at the idea of interacting with them. That is obviously a personal issue of your own and should not be used as a motive for telling other people how they may describe themselves. I hope you are okay”

      It’s natural for lesbians to find the opposite sex unappealing or even repulsed by them and to deny lesbians nature is so lesbophobic and masogynist. Don’t impose your heterosexism on homosexual women.

      ”A person can easily change their sexual orientation within their lifetime. Of course they can.”

      No, they can’t. In Lisa Diamond’s study, there’s show that women who exclusively attracted to women exist. You’re being homophobic by saying that sexual orientation can change.

  11. reallesbian // July 30, 2014 at 12:07 pm // Reply

    Sorry girl, but you’re not lesbian, you’re bisexual. Lesbians do not simply find men emotionally/physically attractive and aren’t capable of falling for them.
    You’re just a mislabeling bisexual, own up to it. That’s why lesbians don’t want to date bis and you contribute to the problem.
    A proud goldstar who wants goldstars only here.

    • I agreed. There’s an obvious pattern from bisexual women who likes to lie about their sexual orientation. I bet Miss Twenty-Nine will cherry pick any comment that only cater to her fakeness.

      -I’m a femme goldstar lesbian too.

      • I clearly haven’t ‘cherry picked’ comments otherwise I wouldn’t have let such extreme views on the blog.

        As for my ‘fakeness’ – I’m straight! That has never been a part of the discussion.
        What I won’t have is my blog being used as a platform for nasty, extremist, offensive views. I’ve posted more than enough of the (luckily) very minority extremism.

        Seriously people – Live and let live. Why should you care how someone you don’t know self-defines?

        And what is so bloody special about having never had an experience with a man before – I know heaps of gay and straight daters who don’t give a shit about someone’s past. It’s the person you are now that matters.

        I’ve allowed your comments, to show that I am posting both sides of the argument, but I still feel the ‘fake lesbian’ labelling is outrageous, and that you’re picking on the wrong people. Why pick on people in the LGBT world?

        The awful ideas of ‘curing sexuality’ don’t come from inside the LGBT world. Target the religious extremists who are suggesting gay people and lesbians don’t exist, NOT people who self-define as lesbians, who just don’t fit into your nice neat mould!

        Now – I get this blog isn’t for everyone – but if you don’t like what you read here – please just go somewhere else. I will not have my blog continue to be a nasty platform for outdated, extremist, narrow-minded abuse.

        Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

      • PS – I found the Lipstick Lesbian Lounge Chatroom – I couldn’t work out why all the messages were appearing around the same time, and so had assumed it was the same person posting comments.

        I find it so sad you guys spend so much of your time hating ‘bisluts’ and ‘heteroretards’- I genuinely don’t understand why you guys are filled with so much hatred.

        I am closing off all comments on this post now. Feel free to continue calling me names on your Chatroom,

        Thanks for all the blog hits 😉

        Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

  12. Miss Twenty-Nine – as a straight person you may not understand how lesbian identity has been ridiculed in our culture or what the kind of homophobic stereotypes affect us. It’s basically about belief that we’re not “truly” gay like gay men are, we can be “turned” by the “right man”, or at very least need d**k too since we may hold hands and cuddle with each other, but for “real sex” a man is needed.

    It’s pervasive message from media too. Since the end of last year, at least 6 different TV shows provided “lesbian sleeping with a man” trope (usually making the lesbian look like she enjoyed it as well). Overall, majority of lesbian storylines in shows and movies not aimed directly at lesbians use this trope.

    It has impact on how seriously lesbians are taken by other people, on their safety as it’s obvious fuel for sexual harrassment and corrective rapes, and on lesbians themselves as well. I know girl who, due to internalized homophobia and hearing message from “open minded” friends who told her that “everyone is bi and sexuality is fluid”, tried “reparative therapy”. It didn’t leave her without scars.

    Those lesbian identified women who don’t fit that “narrow” idea of being actually homosexual add to the problem, because they confirm all the worst and most damaging stereotypes about lesbians and in turn, erase from public perception women who are actually only attracted to women. Though it has nothing to do with being goldstar, since a goldstar could be bisexual, and someone who slept with men, lesbian – it’s all about your feelings, not behavior (nevetheless certain behavior could suggest something about person’s feelings, but obviously only the person in question knows how she feels).

    And speaking of the mention that sexual orientation could change – not even Lisa Diamond, creator of “sexual fluidity theory”, thinks that orientation could really change. It’s also worth to mention that the only lesbian identified women in her longitudinal research that changed their identity label from lesbian into something else were women who had “non-exclusive attractions” (who were attracted to men to some point as well), while those that have always been exclusively sexually attracted to women were the only “extremely solid group”. Which is another confirmation that there is significant difference between homosexual women and “lesbians with non-exclusive attractions”.

    It has nothing to do with any sort of “elitism”, we just feel like we’re being erased. It can be seen in those “open minded” posts above. There is nothing enlightening in saying that we can turn or everyone is a little bit bi. It sounds very similar to what homophobes have to say (actually, some ex-gay groups use exactly this kind of rhetoric – everyone is bi and sexuality is fluid, so they’ll just help gay people in discovering attraction for opposite gender).

    • I’ve allowed this post as it seems educated and in an agreeable tone, but I do still think the argument is being misplaced, and directed at the wrong person. In no way has anyone commented that everyone is ‘bi’, or that rape is acceptable, or that people can be turned. I think this whole thing has been completely blown out of proportion and a lot of energy wasted on arguing on one person’s sexuality! By setting up an online hate campaign and turning ‘gold star lesbians’ into some kind of militant army, you’re undermining yourselves and spiting the open minded people who are out there doing their best to make sexuality a non-conversation. Surely the whole point about living in 2014 is that someone’s sexual preference shouldn’t even be a talking point any more? Let alone a cause for argument?!! Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

  13. ALL DEBATE ON THIS BLOG POST IS NOW CLOSED – 30 DATES IS A BLOG ABOUT DATING & HAVING FUN, NOT ABOUT GOLD STAR LESBIANS!

    THANK YOU ALL WHO HAVE COMMENTED.

2 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. Breaking Up With A Friend | The 30 Dates Blog
  2. Who Really Cares About Labels? | The 30 Dates Blog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: