The Art of the Sext Message

Dating in 2014 is very different to the world of courtship our parents understood.

With relaxed social morals and enhanced technology, it’s a very different era of dating.

This isn’t without its benefits. The internet literally allows you to cast a world wide web in your hunt for the ideal partner, though as we’ve discussed before on the blog, sometimes you really can have too many options. The developments of Skype, Facetime, Instant Messaging, Picture Messages and Video phones have revolutionalised long distance relationships. And departures from traditional courtship rites have seen women empowered in a world where relationships have become true equal partnerships.

However, with a relaxation of morals, comes a whole variety of socially acceptable relationship options. As I discussed in my review of the free dating website Plenty of Fish, singletons can openly advertise that they aren’t looking for anything serious. People post body shots on Tinder, and appeal for ‘NSA fun’ in their 2 sentence descriptions. Just yesterday I stumbled up on a photo of a strap-on, and an appeal for a woman who was happy to wear one. And there are entire websites and apps designed for people to find casual sex.

Naughty photos used to be something you had to develop at a photography shop! The creation of digital photos, and the internet have revolutionised the creation and distribution of self-made soft porn. In fact one of my funniest travelling memories, is of an internet café computer in Cambodia crashing on me, midway through sending a rather cheeky email to my then boyfriend back home. I stood awkwardly trying to cover up the screen whilst simultaneously finding the off switch!

And then came camera and video phones, and Snapchat, and suddenly the art of sexting developed from Mills and Boon-worthy text message teasers, to full frontal body shots and sights normally reserved for your bedroom.

The thing with modern communication, is that you can contact anyone. All you need is their number. And so, as a singleton in 2014, it’s not uncommon to open yourself up to the possibility of being sent a rather cheeky photo from someone you’ve never met in real life. Naughty photos are no longer things reserved for your partner. And with loose security restrictions on apps like Tinder, you don’t even have to give someone your phone number for him to show you his junk!

Don’t get me wrong, in the right situation, I enjoy a cheeky conversation with the best of them. And if that conversation comes with an illustration or too, all well and good. Though personally I prefer to see something in real life before I get a photo!

But the main reason for writing this post today, is that I think a number of people need to hear some simple rules about naughty selfies! It’s such a current topic that even Hollyoaks recently addressed it!

A friend of mine told me a story the other day, about her husband’s friend. He was very casually seeing a girl, who sent him a lot of photo messages. These photo messages did not remain for his eyes only, and most of his friends were privy to them, including my friend’s husband. One day at work, he noticed an intern, and found himself wondering why he recognised her. It was midway through a meeting that he realised he’d seen her naked!

And so – here are a few simple rules for taking and sending naughty photos to someone who you are not in a committed relationship with. (I.e. if he hasn’t introduced you to his friends and family as his girlfriend … and even then, remember, photos could still be around after you split up …)

1)     Never include your face in the photo

2)     If you have distinctive features like tattoos, avoid including them in the photo

3)     Check the background does not include information which could easily identify you if the photo was distributed

4)     Always remember he / she might not be the only person to see the photo (I’ve been sent some hilarious unsolicited photos from strangers on Tinder, which have now been seen by most of my colleagues and friends)

5) Always remember how easy it is to post photos online these days.

6) Always double-check you’re sending it to the correct person!

7) Make sure your phone has a security password so no one else can access any photos

8) Delete any compromising photos off your phone so you don’t inadvertently end up showing them to someone when you go through your photo album!

9) Finally – take time making sure the photo is flattering! If you are going to send a disembodied photograph of part of your body, it may as well be a good one!

Dating in 2014 can be a lot of fun. But don’t put yourself in a situation where you’re worried people at work may have seen you naked, or you’ve sent someone you don’t trust intimate photos of yourself.   The world we live in may well be fast paced, and ever-changing, but once something gets uploaded to the internet, it can be there for a very long time.

Miss Twenty-Nine xxx