I’ve Met the Perfect Man, but …. (The Student)

The title says it all …. I’ll let The Student tell you the rest!!!

Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

It’s happened; I’ve met the man of my dreams.

As usual with me I didn’t meet him in a very ‘romantic’ way; in fact I could barely remember what he looked like.

All I knew is that I’d woken up to a text from a guy I had a good feeling about.

I don’t normally respond to those 3am texts from ‘random guy at bar’ because no one really meets anyone half way decent at a bar in the wee hours, but as I say, there was a good feeling hidden in the depths of my hangover. Or maybe I was just feeling adventurous. Either way, in a manner that was uncharacteristic, I responded.

Cue a weekend of texts bouncing forward between this guy and me, and a date on the cards.

I didn’t have much free time last week as it was my final week in London over the Easter break so I was busy taking the last opportunities to see friends and I also had two evenings where I was expected on board the ship where I work. The mystery guy was hugely accommodating of my busy schedule, which is obviously very flattering, and so we agreed to go for a coffee before I had to be at work on Thursday.

Now I had a vague idea of who I thought this guy was based on my fuzzy memory of the night we met, so I was only slightly nervous of not recognising him. My memory understood him to be not my usual type. I had recollections of a slimly built, blond-haired guy who spoke as if he had attended public school. In the past my ‘type’ has normally been a stockier guy with dark hair: more of a ‘man’s man’. I like to feel as if the guy could throw me around the room a bit, if you catch my drift!

So on exiting Liverpool Street Station on Thursday afternoon I walked straight past my date. I saw him, suspected who he might be and panicked.

I panicked because he was a slimly built, extremely ginger guy.

I didn’t look properly at his face as I was too afraid, so in these moments I constructed a guy with equally small features. I began dreading the date.  I stopped and hid to collect myself and shake myself out of being such a superficial bitch!

I strolled over to him with a smile on my face and was pleased to find that his features were more pleasing to me than the image I’d just created in my head. He greeted me warmly with a kiss on each cheek and we began a walk to Spitalfields Market to grab a coffee.

The next two and a half hours passed all too quickly as the coffee moved on to a drink at a nearby pub whilst we chatted non-stop and I reluctantly, and half-drunk, made my way to work nearly half an hour late.

I was buzzing for the rest of the afternoon – I’d literally just met my most perfect man! Ok, so the drink may have helped, but we had just clicked instantly.

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One of those connections you can’t explain or justify, it’s just effortless.

He understood exactly who I was because he was the same, and vice versa.

He ticked so many of my boxes. Older? Check. Likes to cook? Check. (He used to be a chef) Likes to travel? Check. (Did two ski seasons and is French fluent.) Likes rugby? Check. (Told me about his injuries and told me he’d take me to Twickenham.)

Just perfect.

But, I wasn’t attracted to him.

As much as I was excited and interested in the guy I had just met, I didn’t know if I wanted to date him. As much as I’d enjoyed myself, I’d been left with a few things to puzzle over, and potentially a long time to puzzle over them, as we weren’t expecting to meet again until I was done with University, in five weeks’ time.

The day of our date was also the same day I was to be faced with The Wrestler again after he’d spent the past month in Melbourne for a wrestling show. So to add to my confusion I was confronted with a guy that I find myself almost unbearably attracted to.

The next day, Friday, I found myself lucking out with the evening off work. So I decided to use the opportunity to see if I could find myself attracted to this guy with the perfect personality – 24 hours later we were on Date Number Two.

Once again he managed to understand exactly who I was, this time by completely accidentally taking me on one of my most perfect dates. We met at Embankment and walked to Strand where he decided to take me to the ‘not-so secret’ cocktail bar no bigger than your average living room – The Cellar Door, where drinkers are entertained by burlesque performances as they sip at their cocktails.

Dream come true, I love to watch other women take their clothes off when I’m on a date. Work that one out, Freud!

Anyway, we sampled much of the menu (their Espresso Martini is particularly fantastic, as is their Sidecar) and once again, the conversation was unstoppable. Four or five (I lose count…) cocktails later and we decide to find some food as I hadn’t actually eaten since lunch and was beginning to become concerned that I might get too drunk, which is never ideal – I’ve actually forgotten the end of a first date before… So we headed to Soho where we had more Espresso Martinis and shared a steak at 1am in a restaurant packed full of tourists and Londoners who’d clearly found an appetite too.

Again, It was perfect. Cocktails, cabaret and a steak, what could be better?!

I then, inexplicably, found myself in the garden of his Barbican flat. His garden is a lake. In the middle of London there is a block of flats that holds in its centre a man-made lake with walkways covered by gorgeous flora. I was so overwhelmed by the beauty of his garden that I cried. I cried on our second date at the sheer beauty of nature. How mortifying!

A sobering cup of tea later and he was booking me a cab home. He paid for my cab from Barbican to my home in North London.  What a gent.

We kissed before the cab arrived. But I still felt no physical attraction. I’d seen The Wrestler that day and the evening before and felt huge surges of attraction to him, but couldn’t muster any for the guy that had just treated me to the most wonderful evening. God, I felt awful.

I’d had one of my best dates.  He’d worked out exactly who I was and without really intending it had figured out exactly how and where I’d like to spend an evening.  He seemed to know precisely who I was without knowing any real facts about me. It was amazing.

I’ve found the ‘One’. Problem is, I don’t fancy him!

@The Student_30   xx

19 Comments on I’ve Met the Perfect Man, but …. (The Student)

  1. Poor nice guys, it always seems to turn out that way for em…

    • It’s tough though isn’t it- if the spark isn’t there, you can think someone is fantastic, but still not want to be with them! Xx

      • It’s interesting how men and women are different. ‘Friend zone’ is a very powerful thing for women, attraction is very important. Being nice is not attraction, it activates a different part of the brain or something. Would you say you are into masculine men, the whole macho thing? It’s oft said that women like assholes, but I think that’s not fair, however masculinity and confidence seem to be the key characteristics not niceties…

        Contrast that with men’s tastes. If someone is reasonably attractive, and have a good personality to boot, any man would definitely be into her! Sparks matter to a long-term relationship, but barring the sociopath types who use women, most guys aren’t so picky in this way. At least they’re attracted.

  2. Ive had a similar experience.

    Met a guy out one night.. For some reason thought I should give it a crack because I ‘had a feeling’

    Didn’t like him for the first few dates despite him being everything I think I’ve ever wanted in a guy.

    I kind of forced myself to persue it because I was so confused by the fact I wasn’t into him but essentially that ended in me finally realizing I liked him at about the same time he must have devised he was done with me… Cause I never heard from him again!

    Life is mean.

  3. It does genuinely break my heart that I’m not attracted to him. On paper, we should be planning our wedding already but in reality these things are far more complicated!

  4. Trial by sex. He sounds awesome and I am SO familiar with this scenario… so trial by sex might be the answer. It’s easier to be attracted to someone when they’ve given you things to look forward to. xx

    • But is it fair to carry it on if I never get the attraction?? xx

    • Ha, if only trial by sex was something more women would consider. I think it is fair, as long as you don’t lead someone on for too long and break any hearts then a guy appreciates the sex if nothing else. Isn’t that this particular trial worth a try, it’s when you REALLY learn if you’re attracted to someone!

      • Personally I wouldn’t jump into bed with someone I wasn’t already physically attracted to, but then I’m super picky, especially when it comes to who I have sex with. I know some of the other 30 Dates writers will disagree! 😉 xx

  5. I think I’ll definitely give him another try, though I don’t think it’ll be trial by sex. Maybe I will find myself more attracted to him since I’m so attracted to his personality. Watch this space!

    • Ooh tough one! I do think attraction can grow even if looks don’t blow you away to start with. But to me it’s more their manner I need to attracted to from the start. You know, like the way they look at you, raise their eyebrows, tip their head….movement in general I think can be very attractive/not attractive and, if they haven’t got that, it might never happen (for me!). I say give him a chance, but don’t lead him on.

      • I tend to agree, if I don’t feel that initial attraction I find it hard to carry it on, it does feel unfair. Struggling with the concept of giving someone a chance without leading them on, how do I even do that?!

      • Hmm … I wouldn’t go on another date from the way you’ve been describing it, and from my own experiences with Guy Fawkes, who was lovely, but I just didn’t fancy. I dragged that out 4 dates and felt bad because then you’re left with no real reason to end things (apart from the reason you’ve known all along!!) xxx

  6. Exactly, I’m really uncomfortable about potentially stringing him along! XX

  7. Atrraction, attraction, attraction, attraction what attraction?

    There is a difference in between attraction and chemistry. Every woman is sexually attracted to some Hollywood celeb. Why NOT EXCLUSIVELY go after them? WHY do you have to compromise in your attraction in real partners or why settled for anything less than your ideal attraction? So the point of attraction itself is not fair enough when it comes to making a decision. You are just throwing dices in your favour and making excuses.

    Thing is not working only because you DONT WANT TO work it. You have this imaginary wall of the attraction.

    Attraction doesn’t have to be instant, you can build it if you want to.

    He is bringing VALUE to your life, what are you ready to offer him? Values and attraction are different things and its up to you what do you decide to desire.

    When you were a high school girl you have had a crazy attraction to a guy, do you still have that as a adult? How many times so called ATTRACTIONS changed in the mean time?

    What the heck with this attraction, attraction, attraction and attraction? Complete BS. RELATIONSHIP IS LOT MORE THAN MERELY ATTRACTION.

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