Earlier this week a male reader sent me an email asking me if I could help him with his confidence. Admittedly shy, he struggles to approach women and wondered if I could help him in any way. My email back was honest – shyness is something I’ve never really struggled with, and so I felt uninformed trying to give someone tips. However I knew Mister Mischief is someone who is quite naturally shy, and who has studied PUA tips to enhance his own confidence, so I asked if he might like to write something for the blog instead.
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx
Confidence Tips from Mister Mischief
To be confident is defined as “feeling or showing confidence in oneself or one’s abilities or qualities”.
So what is confidence? A quick Google search describes its “the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something”.
These definitions imply that most if not all people can have confidence and be confident about something or anything. Despite being an inherently shy person, I can say that I am confident because I can rely on my mind to be able to produce content to maintain an exchange of past experiences, ideas and opinions with another human being.
Talking to people is something we all do. And to be able to do it well, a good vocabulary and some general knowledge is useful. As practice is said to make perfect, logic would dictate that you need to spend time in gaining experience in talking to people in general. This skill can then be applied to talking to anyone you are attracted to.
The realist in me has to point out that ultimately though it’s a mixture of right place at the right time, being prepared and not letting your shyness get in the way.
So get prepared and stay open to opportunity.
1) Be yourself
– Don’t pretend
– Don’t over exaggerate
– Let people know the true you
2) Have something to say in a conversation:
– a hobby you can talk in detail about
– done anything interesting or noteworthy? (ripped directly off the film Walter Mitty)
– read an interesting book?
– been to a gig / the theatre / football match
– have an opinion on current affairs?
3) Be nice & polite
– don’t be crass
– hold doors, pull out chairs, easy on the swears (ripped off Will Smith – Just the Two of Us)
4) Practice talking to people
– talk to the person at the counter when doing your groceries
– say hello to people at work and ask about their work or weekend
– if you always get the train with the same person say hello or appropriate time of day greeting
5) Listen to the other person
– you never know what interests you might share
– you don’t have to fake interest in what they are saying just listen politely
– find out more if you are genuinely interested but do not pry too far into personal matters until you know them well or unless they are laid back and already telling you about it
6) Be sociable
– say yes to going out after work if you have the time
– find out if anything interesting in happening in your local area
– join a club or guild or learn a new skill that involves interacting with people