Three simple words …
Which somehow have become an insult!
The only time you should use the phrase ‘you’re single because …’ is if a friend asks you why you think he or she is single.
Any other time, you’re stepping out of line.
How dare you make that judgment of someone? And how dare you suggest being single is some kind of negative aspect which someone needs to fix?!
Unless the person in question is telling you they are unhappy with their single status, and asking for advice, then the answer to why they are single is because they choose to be, and it’s none of your business otherwise!
Sorry … but tonight I’m ranting.
I got trolled!
It doesn’t happen often on the blog, to be honest, and for that I’m really grateful. Having read an article by another dating blogger who I love reading, it appears I’ve been pretty lucky in the troll department. I think this one is only the third ‘attack’ in almost a year – no mean feat for a female blogger writing about dating.
The comment was posted tonight on a rather old post. It was my review of Grouper – the second time we tried the app, when we did the ‘bespoke matching’ and they ask you to describe the kind of men you’re attracted to. Our dates arrived and were nothing like the description we’d given the company.
Interestingly I was very careful not to say why I wasn’t attracted to the men we were matched up with, for fear of offending anyone. All I said was that they were everything we’d asked not to be matched with. Which I think is a fair enough comment to make, when a company offers a bespoke matching service.
The troll posted ‘The reason you are single is you are aiming out of your league. You are a very plain jane.’
The post annoyed me for several reasons … but then that was obviously the point.
1) At no point during the post was I moaning about being single. In fact we had a great night that night with the guys we met after the Grouper.
2) I described our ideal men as ‘posh, tall rugby boys.’ I don’t think that’s a particularly outlandish ask when I’m quite posh and quite tall myself? You’ll notice we didn’t set any other specific requirements like education, looks or industry, which in reality people often do. Just the other day, I set up a blind date where the guy whinged at me because he had wanted a ‘brunette, not a blonde’ ….
3) Why is being single a bloody insult? I love being single! And I know why I’m single.
It is NOT because I’m a plain Jane. As the adorable Laurie acknowledges in her own trolling post, I don’t think I’m the most attractive, or witty woman in the world. But I am certainly no plain Jane. Anyone close to me (and probably anyone who’s met me for more than five minutes) will attest that I am anything but mundane or average. Marmite? Maybe. But love me or hate me, I am most definitely not plain!
The reason I’m single is because I bloody well want to be!
Yes, I could find myself a boyfriend. But right now, unless the man of my dreams appears *cough* Mr SC *cough* , I’m really happy with my life.
I’m single because I work a 40+ hour week banking job, edit the Guardian’s dating blog, write for the Huffington Post, spend at least 4 evenings a week writing and researching 30 Dates, run a start-up company, am writing a novel and still fit in going to the gym, spending time with my friends and family, and having a life!
I love my lifestyle, and I’m only prepared to sacrifice that lifestyle for someone really special.
4) The final reason the troll post annoyed me, was because it was apparently (I’ve received a couple of fake emails recently) written by a woman. Amy Smith – though I have a feeling it’s a fake name. I actually really hope it was a guy (all my other trolls have been guys). Because us women need to stick together, and stop treating being single like leprosy, or like an insult!
Being single isn’t an insult. It’s a lifestyle choice.
And trolling is just really sad. People hide behind the security of a computer screen and say things they would never say face to face. And yet they don’t seem to understand how traceable they are. Wordpress records your IP address, and there are ways and means of tracing malicious commentary.
So how about we stop knocking each other down, and start supporting each other for a change?
Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, and I don’t expect everyone to agree with every single thing I write on this blog. But write some actual criticism of the writing, or the opinions. Don’t fling insults at my appearance. This blog isn’t about what I look like, or my personality, it’s about forming a dating community, supporting other singles, and celebrating our single status.
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx