I’ve never been a great fan of social media PDAs. When couples post hundreds of photos of themselves snogging on Facebook, or use each other’s Facebook walls to profess their love to one another.
We all have mobile phones. If you can’t tell someone in person that you love him or her, then do so over the phone, or via text message. You don’t need to publicly share every facet of your love with everyone you know! If anything it tends to be a sign that things are anything but rosy, and you’re just trying to hide the cracks!
But something I find worse than simple PDAs, are PDAs when you’re cheating.
We live in an age where people seem to think public cheating is acceptable. A world where guys upload photos to Tinder, with their girlfriends and wives in. A world where you can easily stumble across non-single friends on dating websites, and where there are whole sites and communities online designed to help you cheat.
The more widespread something becomes, the more acceptable people think it is to do.
To give you an example of this, off the top of my head, I can think of three separate acquaintances I know who are currently cheating on their other halves. They’re not close friends, or people who have come to me in confidence to tell me about their infidelity. They are merely acquaintances. And yet I know that they’re cheating – two are married, the other is engaged. The reason I know they’re cheating, is because they make no attempt to hide it in public when their partner isn’t around.
As if that isn’t bad enough, what gets me, is the public dialogue which these cheaters have with their other halves online. Grandiose declarations of love. Sickly sweet couple selfies, and statuses devoted to their ‘special person’. And yet most of the people privy to those declarations, photos and statuses, know there is more than one special person in that person’s life.
The part that angers me, is that by being so public with their infidelity, the cheaters involve everyone else in their lie.
No, I don’t know their partners, so I would never get involved or reveal the truth. Which is why the cheaters get away with it. They are only public around people who they know won’t say anything. And yet by showcasing their public relationship on Facebook, if you know the truth behind the lie, you can’t help but feel caught up in it.
I know life isn’t clean cut. And that people don’t always end up with the right partner. But we’re all adults. And as an adult, sometimes you have to make a tough choice. If you’re regularly cheating on your partner with someone else, in such a way that you end up living a double-life, then you’ve made the decision for yourself. End your relationship. You’re not being fair to your partner, or to any of the people who know about your infidelity.
If you really care about the person you’re cheating on, then you owe it to them to tell them the truth. Why should a bunch of virtual strangers know more about your relationship, than the person you’re married or engaged to?
No one likes a liar. And no one likes to be made to feel like a liar. And that’s how I feel when I see these OTT PDAs on Facebook, and know the reality behind the lie. I feel like I’m caught up in it. As if by sitting back and saying nothing, I’m making it seem socially acceptable that these people carry on lying to themselves, their partners and the world. And it shouldn’t be acceptable, because there’s someone innocent stuck right in the middle of it.
I have friends who’ve stumbled across friends’ boyfriends and husbands on Tinder recently, and I’ve seen the moral stress it places upon them. Should they say something? Is it any of their business? What if it was a joke? How will their friend react – will she blame them?
We shouldn’t have to be placed in those situations. If you’re not happy in your relationship, don’t just go on a dating website! End your relationship, THEN go date whoever you want!
You might think you’re being kind, and saving someone from being hurt, but you’re simply delaying the pain, and making it ten times worse when they finally find out. It’s cowardly. And it really needs to stop.
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx