Who Really Cares About Labels?

Those of you following the blog on Twitter may have noticed some comments over the past few weeks about the ‘Gold Star Lesbian’.

She was commenting on a post by the same name – a post written by the Rock Chick about the different labels which exist in the Gay Community.

I’ve always taken the same approach with blog trolls on 30 Dates – no matter how vile their comments, I tend to post the comment, and let people respond to whatever ridiculous claims or suggestions the commentator is making.

People can write strange things when they’re hidden behind the mask of a computer screen, and often when you reply directly, as a normal human being, it diffuses the situation and reminds them they are talking to a real person.  This approach has worked with almost every troll we’ve ever had visit the 30 Dates Blog.  Not so much the Gold Star Lesbian unfortunately.

Interestingly, the post by the Rock Chick was simply pointing out that labels exist within the gay community which don’t in the same way amongst straight daters.  It was an informative piece, which as someone who had never even heard the phrase ‘Gold Star Lesbian’ before, I found really interesting.  To be honest, it’s odd to think that a social group so keen not to be pigeon-holed or stereotyped is so quick to label those within their group.  A phenomenon which Rock Chick explored and discussed in her article.  In the same article she happened to comment on her own sexuality, and the way that she has always seen it as a matter of falling in love with the person, regardless of their gender.

It’s a stance I’ve heard a number of gay and bi-sexual people taking.  Attraction isn’t simply about someone’s gender, it’s about the person inside.

If you haven’t yet read Rock Chick’s piece, it’s a really interesting read.  She talks about the way there seem to be ‘grades’ of lesbian, and a rising movement of anti-bisexuality in the lesbian community.  As an outsider, I found it really interesting to read at the time, but what’s more interesting are the frankly militant responses from the ‘Gold Star Lesbian’ to the post – which simply serve to prove everything which Rock Chick was saying about anti-bisexual tendencies, and taking labels too far.

As I read through the continuous stream of rubbish which the Gold Star Lesbian was intent on posting on this blog, I couldn’t help but be reminded of something far more sinister.  As she talked about ‘purity’, ‘fake lesbians’ and ‘erasing the true meaning of the word lesbian’ she reminded me eerily of Hitler – ironically someone who would have probably had the Gold Star Lesbian killed for her sexual preference.

You would think, being a part of a minority group would make people more liberal and open-minded, but as the Gold Star lesbian proves in her tirade of small-minded comments, there are nasty bigots everywhere – of all genders, races and sexual preferences.

In the end, Rock Chick, The New Realist and I stopped replying, because every time someone replied back with a sensible response, the Gold Star Lesbian would launch another form of crazy ammunition at us – suggesting bi-sexual tendencies will be used by groups to convince people that being lesbian can be cured, and even suggesting it could lead to justified rape.

Frankly, the conversation just got ridiculous.

But it did prove a point.  Unfortunately there are nasty people everywhere, with rigid unrealistic views.  It’s easy to assume, in a world where Christian extremist groups oppose gay marriage, that only straight, religious people are narrow-minded, but anyone can be narrow minded.

I’ve always been of the opinion that if something doesn’t affect you directly, and doesn’t harm anyone else, then really you shouldn’t intervene, or have a powerful opinion.  Yes, I agree with gay marriage, but even if I didn’t it would be none of my bloody business, because it’s not harming anyone, and it doesn’t affect me in the slightest.  If someone can self-define as a woman, despite still having male genitalia, why shouldn’t someone call herself a lesbian, despite having had experiences with men?  Surely it’s up to the individual to call him or herself whatever they want?

The Gold Star Lesbian has no right how to tell another lesbian how to self-define her sexuality, and no, it doesn’t make you any more special if you’ve never slept with a man, or slept with thousands of men and then decide you’re gay.  It’s unfortunate that ‘Gold Star’ is such a positive sounding phrase – because the GSL made it sound anything but positive.  Just because she’s never slept with a man doesn’t make her any better or worse a lesbian than the Rock Chick, or any other human being! We all have our own lives to live – let people be!

One point she made did make me chuckle – the Gold Star Lesbian called us all ‘fake lesbians’ – a phrase I’m sure both the New Realist and I  will now be using for years.  I found it particularly funny because I’m an appalling fake lesbian – all I do is talk about men! 🙂

But all jokes aside, since when did we award ‘prizes’ or titles for sexuality.  I’m a straight woman, and just because I kissed female friends in the past (for drinks when we were teenagers … yes, coz it was cool! cringe!) doesn’t make me any less straight.  I’m attracted to men, and so that’s how I choose to define my sexuality – on my feelings rather than on actions.  I’ve never had sex with a woman – does that make me a Gold Star Straight Person – and how does that make me any more important or virtuous than someone who is now straight but had lesbian affairs when they were younger?

Isn’t it interesting how in the past we judged people on how many people they had slept with … now some people are only interested in what gender those people were, and what label you choose to place on yourself!

Live and Let Live people.   You only get one life after all!  Gold Star, or Wooden Spoon!

Miss Twenty-Nine xxx