Our new weekly feature is designed to introduce daters to Dating writers and experts, both based in the UK and abroad. This week, Alexia of Alexia Says, explains the importance of ‘getting a life’ when you’re dating. Welcome Alexia!
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx
When people moan about being eternally single, you wonder what it could be that is preventing them from meeting the elusive ‘One’. Is it that they are too picky? Are they too busy with work? Has no-one cropped up through mutual friends or on nights out? Or are they not paying attention to who and what is out there?
Whatever the excuse is, one thing that doesn’t help you move on from your single status, is sitting back and expecting a love life to just magically appear. In fact, the less active you are, the more likely the opposite is to happen.
Getting on with life
… and filling it with your hobbies and passions is the one thing I always advocate in helping get a love-life. Why? Because I know this from my own experience. I spent my mid-twenties focussing on my career In the process, I spent no time on my hobbies, including my biggest passion – acting. I always found an excuse, and never made time for my hobbies.
Out on dates, my energy and enthusiasm were completely zapped by being unhappy with work, and as a result, I found it hard to connect with the men I was dating. I began to resent my job, and felt both physically and emotionally drained from it.
I have seen other single women do the same. We devote ourselves to work, and then wonder why nothing ever changes.
Pretending everything is fine
Losing sight of your dreams and abandoning hobbies and passions is actually doing you more harm than good.
And being unhappy at work will leave you feeling miserable and unfulfilled. You will innately feel like something is missing from your life. This and any feelings of resentment will show up whilst on nights out, through your face, your posture and overall demeanour. Let’s face it, you won’t be smiling anywhere near as much as you should be. And when you come across a man you are interested in, he will see through you, no matter how good you are at pretending everything is fine. No-one is attracted to that person who moans about work and looks down and out most of the time.
A complete person
When you’re doing something you love, you relax – and for most of us, a part of that reaction involves being a more happy, carefree person who is fun to be around. It’s this version of yourself that suitors will find most attractive. Some lucky people find that feeling at work, but for most of us, it comes from hobbies – sports, art, music.
If you allow yourself time in your life to do the things you really enjoy, not only will you feel a more complete person, but by doing something you love outside of work, you will open up opportunities to meet new people. And not just members of the opposite sex. Making new friends can open up whole new social circles – which can open you up to more opportunities, and to meeting even more new people.
So what about me? I changed my career, devoted more time to my passion of acting and made a whole group of new friends, which has opened a whole range of new opportunities and a potential new love interest. Watch this space!
Alexia is an advocate of love and of dating that leads to love. She has recently established her own blog Alexia Says… as well as writing on other dating websites. She coaches women on getting the best out of their dating lives and is venturing into the world of matchmaking, working at London’s leading introductions agency, Mutual Attraction.