Last week I chaperoned a blind date. It’s by no means the first blind date I’ve set up, but it was the first time I’ve set up a date where both parties were complete strangers to me. And I was genuinely shocked by the behaviour of one of the daters.
You would be forgiven for assuming it was the guy who behaved badly on the date. It wasn’t … it was the lady.
And the reason I believe she behaved so rudely, was because she went into the blind date assuming she was going to be matched up with the man of her dreams.
As soon as she realised she didn’t fancy her date, she ignored him. All afternoon. It was so bad, that the one time she asked him a question, he actually replied, surprised “Sorry, are you talking to me?!”
As you all know, I’ve been on a LOT of blind dates. So many in fact, that I would no longer be able to count them. And maybe that’s affected the way I approach dates, and singles events … but I genuinely believe the lessons I’ve learned from meeting so many strangers in that way, are valuable to anyone single.
Because I believe I’ve learned the most sensible way to approach a blind date.
The Reality of Chemistry
I defy anyone to pick my perfect match out of a crowd. Even me!
Yes, I could point out the guys I’m attracted to on face-value. The men I would ‘swipe right’ to. But beyond that, I wouldn’t be able to tell you who I was compatible with, without properly spending some time with him. Chemistry isn’t obvious from afar, or determined by a third party. That’s what makes it so exciting! And it’s the reason I always recommend online daters meet up with people quickly.
So when it comes to blind dates, even those set up by my closest friends, whilst I appreciate that I’m likely to get on with my date on a platonic level, I never assume there will be chemistry. Because even I don’t know the perfect recipe for chemistry, until it’s staring me in the face!
The Right Attitude
Blind dates can be great. The excitement. The potential. The unknown.
But you need to look at them as a bit of fun, and an opportunity to make a new friend. NOT as the first time you will meet the man of your dreams!
Don’t get me wrong – I know the whole point of dating for most people is to meet someone. But you can’t EXPECT to meet your ideal man, and be obviously disappointed when you don’t. Especially when you’ve agreed to go on a date completely blind!
The whole point of a blind date is that you are handing over the introduction to someone else. So embrace the fun aspect of the unknown, and see the whole thing simply as an experience. An opportunity to make a new friend, and try a fun new activity.
I never go on a date expecting to fancy the guy. Even the dates I’ve chosen myself online! Until I’m face to face with a guy, I won’t be able to work out if there’s a real attraction, and so I always go into a date with the simple aim of having a fun afternoon or evening. That’s why I always advocate planning a fun activity, or a pastime you wanted to do anyway.
By making the activity your expectation for the evening, your company then becomes the bonus!
The same applies to singles events. Rather than going to a singles event determined to meet someone, choose the events based on the activity. Make an evening of it by bringing friends, and then if you happen to get someone’s number at the end of the evening, it’s an added benefit.
This should go without saying, but as I realised last week, not everyone appreciates this.
Regardless of whether you have been set up by someone else, or you selected your date yourself, you should ALWAYS be polite!
There are no excuses for bad manners. Even if your date has used photos online which are ten years out of date, or he turns out to be an entire foot shorter than you, you still need to be polite.
Dating is really daunting – and EVERYONE gets nervous about it – even the most confident of people. So you should never be rude to a fellow dater.
If you’ve been set up with a stranger, and you don’t find him or her attractive, that is no excuse for bad manners. You can still get to know someone you’re not attracted to! How would you like it if you went on a date with someone you found attractive, and they didn’t like what you looked like, so they just ignored you all afternoon?!
See other singletons as comrades – facing the same ordeals you are. Compare your single horror stories, laugh about the realities of online dating, and share your favourite date venues. After all, it’s only a few hours of your life, and even if you don’t fancy your date, you might find an unexpected friendship.
Come on guys, we’re all in this together! 😉
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx