We grow up surrounded by social norms. Accepted rules of dating.
Some are common sense. Some have become old wives tales. Some are standard women’s magazine fodder. Others have been the source of huge financial gain to dating experts and writers worldwide.
Never text a guy back immediately. Never reply with a message that’s longer than the message you receive. Don’t make plans too far ahead in the future if you’ve only just started dating someone. Don’t sleep together on the first date. Don’t show your cards too soon. Play hard to get.
The list goes on, but essentially boils down to one idea. No matter how into someone you are, don’t show it too early. Don’t get too excited.
The thing is … when you meet someone you like, you get excited. It’s natural.
And interestingly, what I’ve learned, from looking at the couples around me who really work, is that when you meet the right person, often the rules go right out the window! Because you’re BOTH just as excited. And therein lies the key.
I have good friends who went on a first date, which turned into 120 hours in each other’s company. Within three months they were living together. They’re now happily married with three kids.
I have a friend who, three days after starting a job with a girl, announced that he would one day marry her. She had a boyfriend at the time. Eight years later and they are married with a new baby girl.
Another friend moved in with her partner just two months after meeting him. They’re engaged …
The examples go on and on, and I’m sure you can think of others who fit that mould. Or rather don’t fit the mould.
Some say the best feeling in the world is the butterflies you get when you really like someone. But there’s a better feeling … When you have those butterflies, AND you know that the other person has them for you too.
It’s in those moments that sometimes you really can throw the rules out the window. Sometimes in life you just have to throw caution to the wind, and trust your judgments. Yes, you may get hurt, but equally the gamble could lead to something far more exciting.
The key is timing. Working out when you can run in all gun’s blazing. (Apologies for all these metaphors … it seems to be a topic which attracts them!) Diving in doesn’t work when you’re fresh out of a relationship. Or when the other person is fresh out of a relationship. Because the rebound issue comes into play, and one of you is quickly trying to recreate the relationship they just left. It may be really exciting and all-consuming … but nine times out of ten it won’t stay that way for long, and someone will get hurt.
However, if you’re both in a sensible place, and there are no other issues going on … sometimes you can just trust the way something is going. If someone is being openly excited and passionate and honest, don’t make them feel bad for laying their cards on the table. (Yet another cliched metaphor!). If you like someone as much as they clearly like you, don’t feel a need to play games. Guard your heart to some degree, but don’t stop yourself from enjoying the giddy excitement that comes with getting to know someone new, and falling for them. Just make sure you’re being honest with each other, and if things feel like they’re moving too quickly, make sure you discuss it together.
If someone is texting you heaps, text back, and don’t worry about the text lengths, or how long you leave to reply back. If someone is suggesting future plans, and you want to share those plans, then get excited together! If someone offers you a higher level of commitment in a relatively early stage of a relationship, and you are 100% happy with that commitment, and know it doesn’t stem from a previous relationship issue, then GO FOR IT!
Trust your gut, and more importantly trust your heart!
You only get one life, so live it. No, things don’t always work out the way you expect, but you sometimes you have to be in it, to see where things end up! And it’s the biggest gambles which come with the highest pay outs. So don’t be afraid to break the ‘rules’ every now and again.
Metaphors aside, LIVE and LOVE. And if things go tits up … LEARN from your mistakes 😉
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx