Each week on 30 Dates, we showcase a different individual from the online dating industry, and ask them to share some of their dating advice. This week’s expert is ‘Brand You Max’ dating coach Laura Gub, talking about something people often ask me about … What to say in a first message online? Whilst the article is written with guys in mind, I think the advice is just as useful to us girls!
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx
5 Ways to Get the Girl – What to Say in Your First Message
You’re online dating and one of the few lucky people to have a friend that takes decent pictures. Thanks to him, you look dashing in your photo; you even managed to put together a catchy profile.
Now it’s time to send those first messages and see who you can go on a date with. Thus, you decide to get in touch with all the ladies that have that little something about them that you like. But how to get about it? What to write? How to catch their attention?
- Keep Your Message Short
You’d think that once you have a decent profile and one killer photo or two, you can write just about anything from hello to your life story and the answers will keep coming in the blink of an eye. Wrong. That first message is as decisive as an introduction letter that you’d write to an employer, asking them to look at your CV. You could write in detail, going on and on about yourself and you’ll be bypassed as too self-absorbed. Keep your message short. However it is best to avoid a mere “Hello” or “How are you?” These are messages that women get from every second man who writes to them. The “You are beautiful!” or “I like your pics!” won’t get you far either. What will, then?
- Ask Her a Direct Question
This can be a tricky one. There are 3 areas included in almost every profile. These are travel, entertainment (pubs, bars, restaurants, concerts) and outdoor activities like country walks, hiking, cycling, you name it. Yes, most of us are globe trotters, like the finer things in life and are avid nature fans. Try to avoid these generalities and stick to something more specific from the profile, if you can. Avoid generic questions like “Can you cook?” or “Do you hope Santa will bring you a boyfriend for Christmas?” or the same old “Tell me more about you.” The aim of your question is to engage. Women are used to being approached and being asked all kinds of daft questions about themselves. Be different; ask a daft question about yourself.
- Ask About You, Not Her
Try to surprise with an unexpected question like “Do you like my shirt?” Opinions about fashion could be right up her street. Thus you could make her curious and she will click on your profile to see your shirt. Hairdos could be another subject. If you have 2 different haircuts in your photos, that can be a conversation starter as well. Got a photo with a mate? Ask her if she thinks you’re more handsome. By shifting the focus from her to you, she can relax and not feel “interviewed”. The light subjects can make her warm to you. Ask her if she thinks your sunglasses suit you. Make the questions sound tongue in cheek. For example: “What do you think of my sunglasses? I bet they make me look bug eyed. “ There. Casual, funny, engaging. You’ll hopefully make her laugh. It is pointless to discuss attractions in Peru, even if you’re both interested in the subject. You’ll be nothing more than 2 people who share an interest or two. After all, it’s all about whether she likes the look and the sound of you to begin with. You can also ask her, “Do you like my accent?” Obviously she hasn’t heard you talk yet. You could say, “Well, that can be easily fixed. Let’s talk.”
- Show Genuine Interest
Women are used to approaches that use flattery as an opening line. Even if it makes them feel good about themselves, they could consider flattery in messages as an easy victory. It’s almost as if you start the story with the punchline. Suddenly you realise that you’re out of ammunition. Writing that first message could feel like cold calling. You must have picked up the phone endless times only to find a salesperson at the other end of the line, convinced that they knew what you wanted. Avoid the pitfalls of assuming you know what she wants. Ask instead. For example: “What would be an ideal date for you?” or “What’s the most important thing you want in a man?”
- Ask For a Date In an Instant
Nothing beats meeting in person when it comes to testing chemistry. Starting off by asking a woman out on a date, even if only for coffee shows that you’re serious about dating, and what’s more, you’ve got time to meet up with people. In this digital era, online dating is sometimes just that. Way too many connections never make it offline. Many men and some women as well enjoy the online attention and chats. These relationships remain virtual. It’s much easier to woo online than in real life. It is also more pointless. The real life dating scene is for the brave. Be one of them and take initiative.
Laura Gub, founder of online dating profiles crafting website “Brand You – Simply Your Dating Coach”, is an ex model, hobby photographer, blogger, with experience in business management, legal administration and consultancy.Laura has worked as a fashion, photographic, editorial and life model for over seven years. She has developed a keen sense of style and a strong eye for the “right” picture.
Her years spent as a model have proven invaluable in determining the best ways of introducing oneself effectively, whether online or offline.
Her deep interest and passion for nowadays’ social dynamics lead her to initiate the founding of Brand You Max, dedicated to help bring out the best in you, for a better, richer and more exciting dating life.
Click here for more related topics, to contact Laura, or for help with your online dating profile.