Diligent blog readers will have noticed that I’ve told you about the time The Rugby Boy met my adoptive family … but I’m yet to tell you about the time I visited his parents!
In truth, I’ve now been back to his family home twice, and in recent weeks have met most of his best friends.
It’s a funny thing ‘meeting the parents’. It can be easy to build it up in your head, and overly worry. Enough comedies have been made from bad first impressions, and in-law angst.
The thing to remember, particularly when you get older, is that being invited to meet someone’s parents can be a rather big deal for some people. The first time I headed to Hertfordshire with him, the Rugby Boy admitted that he’d only ever taken 3 other girlfriends home. And so rather than let that daunt me, I saw it as a thing of confidence. He wanted me to meet his parents. He believed in me … so why shouldn’t I believe in myself?
Bolstered by the compliment, I hid my nerves (because even the most confident people get nervous, when they know how much a first impression matters) and I headed to the countryside.
As we arrived off the train, in the middle of nowhere, his dad pulled up to taxi us back to their house. And at that point I realises something very important. A principle that applied when I met the Rugby Boy’s mum, and his brothers, and sister-in-law, and his very best friends.
I like the Rugby Boy’s personality. In fact, I would now go so far as to admit that I love his personality. The reason we get on so well, is because I enjoy spending time with him, and I trust his judgement of other people. And so when it comes to the people he’s close with, why shouldn’t I also get on well with them? He is the product of his parents. And not one of those people who doesn’t get on with his elders. And he’s chosen his friends.
And so, as his Dad grappled me into an immediate hug, making me instantly feel at home … it reminded me of all the reasons I get on so well with his son. And simply solidified my decision that the Rugby Boy is someone who I want to be in a long-term relationship with.
The same applied earlier this week, when I faced a rather dramatic baptism of fire. A loud, drunken dinner party, involving not just one other couple, but three. All of the Rugby Boy’s closest friends and their partners. And yet, again, within minutes I was made to feel immediately at home. Because, they are the Rugby Boy’s best friends. He has already made positive judgments of their personalities … judgements which I now share. And they care about him – so a part of that friendship was to make me feel as welcome as possible.
I know this isn’t always the case. I know sometimes you can end up in awkward situations, with family politics, or snidey ex-partners. But my situation with the Rugby Boy, and his friends and family, reminded me of a post I read earlier this week by Saskia Nelson. Saskia was writing about the reasons to date someone with children, based on her own experiences with her boyfriend’s kids. Saskia loves her boyfriend’s children, because they are an extension of him. They share his values, and his personality traits. And they are a brilliant extension of her relationship with him, for numerous reasons. Likewise, when you care about someone, and you meet the people they are closest too – those people should become a fun, comfortable extension of your relationship, not a problem or a burden.
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx