The Taboos of Height and Weight and Dating
This morning I read an article on the Telegraph online by the journalist Johnathan Wells. The article centres around the issue of height and dating. Which are two rather incendiary topics …
Something I noticed years ago, when I first started using Tinder, was that people tended to put their height in the free text section of the app profile, even though they weren’t asked. The reason? Because once conversation began, if they didn’t know already, someone would ask. And normally it was a case of women asking men.
Why? Because 9 times out of 10, women prefer to date men who are taller than them.
I have to admit, I am one of those 9. I’m 5 foot 8, but like to feel small and girly. And the only way I can achieve that, is by standing beside a man who is significantly taller than me.
Yep … that’s really how much taller The Rugby Boy is than me!
In all honesty though, I don’t think many men I know want to date women who are taller them. Many find it emasculating, and the reality of being a taller woman, dating a man who is shorter or around the same height as you, is that you will rarely choose to wear heels – a look many men find attractive.
That said, the Telegraph journalist describes himself as around the same height as me. No, as he points out, that doesn’t make him ‘Lillipudian’ … but it does mean that a number of girls who are the same height as me, or taller, may not be attracted to him. That isn’t a crime. It’s simply a preference. In the same way people prefer blonds or brunettes – but those are things you can see very easily on a dating profile.
Johnathan’s first issue was that when he pretended to be 6’3′ online, his profile got a lot more matches than the one with his honest height. Realistically, I don’t think it’s a problem that less women matched with him when he was honest – because at least he knew that if he were to go on a date with any of those women, they wouldn’t be disappointed when they realised how tall he was.
His second issue was some of the incredibly negative things which some women had posted on their profile about height. On this point I completely agree with him. There is no need to be agressive about ANY physical feature on a dating profile – whether on a dating site, or on an app like Tinder. If you don’t like a certain feature, just ignore or don’t match with people who have that feature! Online dating is a world of passive rejection – which is FAR politer than admitting ‘if you aren’t 6’3′ I ain’t interested.’ If you’re a tall girl, just point that out on your profile, you don’t need to go any further.
However, Johnathan’s main point was that he sees height as the same as weight – simple imperical measures. And therefore you should be able to ask someone’s weight in the same way you ask their height. Or even discriminate against people according to their weight.
I have a number of issues with this.
1) Judging physical shape from a photo is a lot easier than their height … which is why people ask about height.
2) As Johnathan points out himself, height is unlikely to change. Weight can fluctuate significantly, as can general appearance ( so you just have to hope they’ve used recent photos!)
3) Different people of the same weight can look completely different – a person who is 5 foot and 10 stone will look completely different to someone who is 6 foot and 10 stone. And even if people are the same height, as recent articles on BMI have shown, you can be the same weight and height and look completely different physically.
As a girl who is on the heavy side, but by no means fat, I would hate for a guy to ask me how much I weigh. I have an athletic, muscular body, and a healthy lifestyle … but my weight might not suggest that to some people.
That said, I don’t mind if a guy looks at me and thinks I’m too curvy for him. Because in the same way I’d prefer to date a guy who is taller than me, I’d also prefer to date one who is heavier than me. Because again, I just want to feel feminine and small – and deep down, I think most taller or heavier girls feel the exact same.
I was thinking the exact same thing when I read the original post. I’m in the same boat as you where my actual weight might seem high, but it’s mostly because I’m tall, broad, and got muscles and such. The weight doesn’t matter so much as whether or not you find the person physically attractive.
Thanks Demetrius, fellas it wasn’t just me! 😉 xx