This season of Made in Chelsea, I‘ve been watching with Lucy Watson’s new dating book in hand.
Tonight was a bit of an odd episode in Lucy’s love life. We saw her head to Bounce for an awkward threesome with Proudlock and Stevie. No, no, not that kind of threesome … but she basically took Stevie along to underline it wasn’t a second date. “This is like, back to like friendship, right?” Stevie asks awkwardly. “Is that why I’m needed here tonight?” “Just friends!” Lucy and Proudlock coo in unison. “So it’s not a date then?” Stevie checks again. “So you guys are just friends now? So you’re not gonna hook up tonight?” “No!” they both lie …
Oh Lucy, Lucy, Lucy … have you not read your own book?!
“Second & third dates
“So the awkward first date has been and gone.”
Really? Are you sure … to me this all just feels like it’s get increasingly awkward!
In order to properly assess if they’re really just friends, Stevie stood asking the pair questions about how they would feel if they saw the other hooking up with someone else. And as if to highlight his third wheel status, he was playing doubles table tennis against the pair, all by himself?!
“The second and third dates are much easier…. Go to the cinema (or something casual), where you can actually enjoy hanging out together.”
Well … Bounce fits … but Proudlock was also able to enjoy hanging out with Stevie at the same time!
What other advice has Lucy ignored this week?
“If he makes the first move, kiss him. Not too intimately, leave something up to the imagination.”
Lucy later confirms the night of ping pong ended with more snogging … and it wasn’t even a real date??!! Is she really leaving much to the imagination?
Chapter 4 – How to Play The Game
“If you’ve ever found yourself analysing everrry message in your conversation history for clues as to why he hasn’t texted you back, or you’ve drunk dialled a guy because you thought he would just really love to hear from you, at like 3 a.m. – think again. The dating game rules mean you can’t start doing whatever you want … Play the game”
What game? What rules is she following? I’m so confused? Since when is constantly talking to your friends about how much you fancy Proudlock, but how much you don’t fancy Proudlock, and then ignoring him, and then going on non-dates with a third wheel playing the game???
I think she’d actually have been better off writing about table tennis rules!
Lucy, have you forgotten you’re meant to be endorsing a book about easy dating rules and tips?!
Miss Watson … may I draw your attention to Page 62 … with reference to tonight’s final revelation, that Proudlock is seeing other girls. (Funny that, considering you brought your male best friend on your last non-date date with him?!)
“A lot of girls waste time on guys who aren’t that into them. They don’t want to see the truth and ignore all the warning signs. Don’t be that girl. Move on.”
I rest my case.
But don’t worry Lucy – there is one person on MIC FAAAR worse than you at the Dating Game … and that is the horrendous Victoria. Yes, she of “fat f*cking turkey” fame, is shown reeling off her CV to some unwitting polo player, who clearly doesn’t realise what a nasty piece of work she is. “I speak fluent Latin!” she gloats. “And Ancient Greek, and I ride, and show jump, and swim really well …”
Guess we know who’ll be bringing out the next book of dating expertise ….
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx