Dating in Your Twenties (Guest Post)
In recent weeks, we’ve explored dating in your thirties, forties and fifties on the blog. Dating blogger Lara Loveless completes the set with an article about the realities of dating in your twenties.
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx
Entering the Dating World – Dating in Your Twenties
Dating in your twenties – a whirlwind of parties, fun, and exciting dates with charming men. Well… not quite.
At the beginning of last year, I returned from my gap year, and Facebook stalked my ex-boyfriend. To my horror, I discovered that, despite breaking up with me because he’s “not good at relationships”, he now had a girlfriend. I’d been contently single for the past 2 years, but I decided enough was enough. I had to get back into the game. And that game is very different when you hit your twenties and properly enter the dating world.
Going Virtual
As a teenager it’s easy to meet new guys. In sixth form, I spent my Fridays underage drinking in a field. At university, I met guys in halls or at the Student Union. But after graduation the opportunities to meet new people get less and less. There was no choice. It was time for me to go virtual.
Online dating is a bit like shopping in a charity shop. You get the occasional gem, but there’s a lot of junk to sift through. The dates I have been on so far have ranged from pleasant but lacking that elusive spark, to so awkward I considered walking out halfway through.
In the adult dating world, you’re kind of working backwards. Before, my dating experiences consisted of getting drunk, and, if there was a mutual attraction, kissing, establishing that we both liked each other, and then maybe going on a date. As an ‘adult’ I go on a load more dates, scattergun style, and, if there’s a mutual attraction, maybe kiss and go from there. The rules have changed and I’m still figuring out what they are. Is he going on other dates? Should I go on other dates? What’s the magic date number to have sex? What’s the difference between classy, mysterious lady and frigid nun?!
Rising Expectations
When I came back from my gap year, my friends tried to set me up with a guy who was perfect on paper. Mr Perfect on Paper was quite good looking, successful, we had a lot in common, and the same sense of humour. If I were 16, he would have been ideal.
But I didn’t really like him. I wouldn’t have slept with him. And since I was 16, there have been guys I have really fallen for, so now I wouldn’t settle for anything less. It is true that as you get older, your expectations get higher. But why shouldn’t they? There’s no shame in being single while you wait for the right one!
You Have to Make Dating A Priority
A funny thing happens after you graduate. Afternoons, evenings, and long holidays all become a thing of the past. Suddenly your entire life becomes occupied by this thing called WORK.
I leave the house at 7.30am. I don’t get home until gone 8pm. I eat dinner, shower, then go to bed. I get 4 weeks off a year, and can only take 2 in one go. “Maybe I don’t have time for a relationship” I started to think to myself. “Maybe I should just focus on work for now…” Until I went to a dating event, and met a 37 year old single woman who did exactly that when she was younger.
You have to consciously make the time and effort to date, otherwise life will pass you by.
A Time of Change
I’m now at the age where my friends are starting to get engaged and have children. My cousin, who is 2 months younger than me, is getting married this year, and Facebook is beginning to fill with life events. As part of my job, I work with a lot of “mummy bloggers”, and when I see a 25 year old married mother, I start to panic and wonder what I’m doing with my life.
On the other hand, our twenties are an exciting time of life. We’re old enough to earn our own money, yet young enough to enjoy the freedom it brings. Those of us with a lack of ties should embrace that freedom while it lasts.
I’m planning adventures that my teenage self would be proud of and my 30 year old self will be glad that I did. Live your life, and let love happen when it happens!
30 Dates Blog - A Dating Blog 
This dating “tip” misses the biggest elephant in the room: The twenties – preferrably the early 20s being the best time for a woman to get the elusive high-value Alpha. Of course feminism has taught and indoctrinated women to behave like only men can do – fuck your way through your 20s and then find Mr. Big at the tender age of 40 like in Sex And The City. Good luck with that cupcake – unless a woman is very lucky it will be settling with a guy you found boring when you were hotter and younger or it will be single motherhood/cat lady-dom.
And the standard return will be: I’ve dated the exciting and hot guys, but they would not settle down with me – I just pick relationship-phobic men!
No cupcake, you just pick men who are beyond you and see you only on the fuck ladder but never on the relationship ladder. Men often fuck down, women often fuck up their sexual market value. The one who wants to commit to you right now is the one you can get.
So my advice for women in their 20s – best 22/23 – slim down, sex-doll your way up, feminine up, be supportive and nice, date around to find what kind of man you can attract for a LTR – very important – not for sex, that means jack shit. Then settle down with him – also extend the search to guys in the late 30s who are well-kept. An Alpha hedge-fund manager in his late 30s who still has a six-pack is better than the hot weed-dealer with the dreadlocks. But hey – go the route of feminists and enjoy your 40s “dating”.
Hi Zelcorpion
Whilst this post is a guest post, this entire blog is a feminist blog – we believe women are equals.
A lot of what you’ve said in your comment offends me, however I’ve always said I would allow comments, even those which I find offensive.
“Slim down, sex-doll your way up, feminine up” … This is awful, offensive advice to any woman. Going ‘the route of feminists’ isn’t waiting until you’re 40 to settle down … but why shouldn’t a woman be able to date in the same way as a guy? It’s only through meeting a range of people that people can work out what they want and need … regardless of what they have between their legs.
I’m appalled that you think some of those comments above are acceptable opinions in 2015.
Miss Twenty-Nine
My comments above are simple common sense.
Let me guess – gender is a social construct and we are just Mr. and Mrs. Potatoehead with genitals that can be exchanged? You should watch that little Norwegian documentary about the Gender-brainwashing https://vimeo.com/19707588.
We as humans are of course equal in certain rights, but we are also a dichotomous species who are fundamentally different emotionally, mentally, physically that true equality in the feminist sense can NEVER EVER be attained.
Women cannot live like men and men cannot live like women. You should read the book by lesbian Norah Vincent who tried living as a man: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip7kP_dd6LU
But hey – what does it really matter – logic and science are male tools of oppression, so your feelings take precedence over reality.
Sorry Zelcorpion, but your comments aren’t simple common sense – they’re really offensive!
Yes, women and men are different, but what gives you the right to tell women in their twenties to ‘slim down, sex doll up’ etc etc ?!
You lost any hope of a sensible argument with offensive, sexist ‘advice’ and by calling women ‘cupcake’.
Miss Twenty-Nine
So “muscle up, action-figure your way up, masculine up, be providing but assertive” is awful, offensive advice to any man?
I think telling anyone the have to change themselves physically in order to attract the opposite sex is offensive!
Well I am not sure what point Zel is trying to make. On one hand he seems to be having a guy at women sleeping around and then on the other is suggesting they “sex doll up” and go for it. You are confusing your points guy.
Anyway reading the blog it is refreshing to see someone in their twenties thinking seriously about all this and having the same thoughts as us 30’s (although I am only 30 turning 31) I thought twenties had this all under control. Either had the relationship or was happy making their way through work and friends until they found someone.
Work is good point. Work does become the focus and then there is the minefield of relations at work. One one hand it’s where you meet the most new people, which you then get to know and spend the majority of your time with and so the likelihood of you fancying someone there is high. However it’s work and if you do fancy them at work – lot of risks and such involved.
I think choice plays a factor. Always another option – another guy to date and then do you ever find a relationship as you always have the option of seeing what the next guy or whatever is like. Finding your way in a big city and working your way up can all hinder the search for true love.
Wish I knew the answers. All I can say is I haven’t found it easy at any age.
Thanks for commenting – To be honest I don’t think anyone finds dating overly easy. This guest post was part of a series of articles about dating at different ages, and it was really interesting reading the struggles people have at different ages.
Will make sure Lara sees your comment too 🙂
Cheers
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx
I’m not really sure, I think he may have misunderstood my post as I wasn’t recommending sleeping around, just broadening the search and going on different dates!
I might be a bit of an anomaly in my age group, as a lot of my friends are in long-term relationships or happy to focus on work etc., but I’ve always been a hopeless romantic and didn’t have particularly good dating experiences when I was younger so I’m looking for that now.
Never been in that situation in a professional job but I get what you’re saying about work romances. It’s a risk, but on the other hand it’s quite hard to meet new people outside work, and if you work in the same industry you’re likely to have something in common…
I agree, I wouldn’t say dating is easy at any age. I think from the age of 22+ it suddenly becomes a lot harder to meet new people, but at university you have the minefields of the hook-up expectation/ being in a different place for half the year etc.
But anyway, thanks for commenting and glad you liked the post!
No worries. The link to the dating in the thirties article doesn’t work btw.
Think I might need to read a few blogs and articles to help me on my way 🙂
Ah cheers – I’ll fix it now 🙂 xx
Maybe you listen more to women who share my and many men’s well-founded opinions: http://ladiesagain.com/2015/03/01/why-modern-women-are-miserable/
“What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman,” by Danielle Crittenden.
“In the book, Crittenden takes feminists to task, arguing that their aggressive push for complete equality in workplaces, bedrooms, marriages and the military has caused women to ignore critical gender differences between men and women that have shaped societal norms and rules for hundreds years.”
But do I care really. Feminism is used to destroy all stable social settings and create a Brave New World of rampant promiscuity and basic hedonistic individuality. I have made my peace with it and I – as well as other men – am fine with seducing the young daughters coming from broken families and “having fun in their 20s”. Enjoying the decline that you ladies promote – your sexless White Knights here included.
Slim down, sex-doll your way up, feminine up” – Zelcorp nails in. Most women will not understand his perspective because they are not men. Women are not men and men are not men. There is a significiant difference is what men find attractive in women. Expecting men to be congruent with women is a receipe with disaster.
@Charly Lester: It doesnt matter whether you find things offensive, this is reality and there is nothing one can do to change men’s mind or a women’s mind. Women find certain characteristics attractive in men and men find slim, sexy, feminine women attractive. Dont expect anything else, because you cant change biology.