SINGLE – On The Rebound (The Rebound Gal)
Yesterday marked the start of a new era for the 30 Dates Blog – a blog post by one of the Experimental Daters. Mister Mischief wrote about his various attempts to contact girls over internet dating, as part of the WORDS Experiment section of the blog.
And now it’s The Rebound Gal’s turn – with a post about her experiences so far, of being ‘On The Rebound’ – a special kind of singledom….
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx
Being on the rebound doesn’t sound all that great, and initially I wasn’t that sure about the title when Miss Twenty-Nine suggested it. However having done a bit of research, I think the name pretty much covers where I’m at!
I was in a relationship with, let’s call him Maestro, for 6 years. We had discussed getting married and having babies and all the other stuff you think about when you’ve been together that long and, in all honesty, I thought that I was sorted, that I’d found my ‘One’. Obviously not.
One fateful Monday about 5 months ago (the 20th of May, not that I’m counting or anything) my life basically imploded. Completely by surprise, Maestro decided that he wasn’t happy and that we needed to end things. There were reasons, some made sense, others not so much, but it was over. Just like that.
This was not a good time for me and I have to say I didn’t find it easy. I also had a lot of friends telling me that everything would be ok. I wasn’t so sure.
Well, they were right! It has taken some time, but I’m feeling better about stuff. Looking back, I can confess that things weren’t as rosy as I thought, but when you’re the wrong side of a break-up that’s difficult to see. By the end we were more like friends and as lovely as that is, it doesn’t make for a good relationship!
I still have my down days, but I can see myself moving on.
But those down days, well, that’s pretty much what being on the rebound is all about.
‘Someone who is “on the rebound,” or recently out of a serious dating relationship, is popularly believed to be psychologically incapable of making reasonable decisions regarding suitable partners due to emotional neediness, lingering feelings towards the old partner, or unresolved problems from the previous relationship. Rebound relationships are believed to be short-lived due to one partner’s emotional instability and desire to distract themselves from a painful break-up, and those emerging from serious relationships are often advised to avoid serious dating until their tumultuous emotions have calmed.’
I’m inclined to agree. I may not be emotionally unstable, but I do think that the fact that I still think of Maestro with fondness is maybe clouding my judgement.
In some ways I sort of feel guilty about moving on.
I want to look at how the weird world of emotions, especially after a recent break-up, can affect relationships, not only from my point of view, but from the view of my potential dates.
Does knowing someone has just come out of a serious relationship make people act differently? Who knows?
That’s what I plan to find out. Wish me luck!
- Experimental Dater Six – The Rebound Gal (30blinddates.wordpress.com)
- SINGLE – Rebound Dating (The Rebound Gal) (30blinddates.wordpress.com)
Having had a brief relationship very recently with a girl who had also just come out of a long term relationship I thought I would comment on what the other party might experience.
This is not to say every guy or girl who comes out of a serious long term relationship will behave in this way – basically it’s just an observation.
The rebound girl exhibited the following:
– an inability to not compare me to previous relationships
– identified differences between our (brief) relationship and good parts of her past relationship as flaws
– required more convincing of my sincerity / intentions
– had high expectations of me
– had a tendency to over think things (not sure if this was a rebound thing or just her personality)
I wonder if this was just an isolated incident or if all rebound guys and girls have the same traits.
Also I wouldn’t say that I behaved differently towards her knowing she had just come out of a long relationship but I think she treated me differently because of it. Although my reaction to her behaviour may not have been the best for forming any lasting bonds, which could just be my ineptitude as opposed to a common general reaction to the rebound side effect.
Good luck with your dating endeavours.
Looking forward to the next post.