In dating terms, December is the month of the sack-off.
More fool me trying to set myself a challenge of 12 Dates of Christmas! It’s near impossible to hold down a December date … even with someone you’ve already met before! From rubbish weather, to Christmas TV, there are just too many reasons to stay indoors, and not venture out into the world of dating at the end of the year.
And no, that’s not just me making excuses. As you’ll see from The Student’s next post, I’m not the only one to be cancelled on at this festive time of year!
I recently returned to the world of Plenty of Fish. Having suspended my account post-Henley Boy, I was finally feeling a bit less jaded about the site, and after far too much time playing on Tinder, had decided I actually wanted to know more about a guy than his age and first name, before making contact.
In dating terms, rejection is far more visual on POF than on Tinder.
On Tinder, if you swipe Yes to someone, and don’t get an immediate Match, you can always kid yourself that the app hasn’t shown the guy your photo yet. And you have no means of contacting him until a mutual attraction is acknowledged.
On POF you can contact anyone. And for that reason, you can be rejected by anyone.
Obviously there is still passive rejection. You can send a message, and never receive a reply. And whilst the free version of the dating website claims not to tell you if a message has been read or not, if you have an iPhone, the app actually tells you whether or not your message has been read, and also if the other user has deleted it.
And then there is more overt rejection.
Now, most of the time, I have to admit to opting for the silent sack-off. If a guy I’m not interested in approaches me on POF, I simply won’t reply. It’s very rare that I’ll state outright that I’m not interested in someone, and to date that has only happened when someone has sent me several messages, demanding an answer why I haven’t replied.
The other day I received one of the most frank sack-off messages on POF I’ve ever received.
I had been chatting to a guy (who we’ll call Meanie, for reasons you’ll see in a sec!) throughout the evening. I was hoping to schedule one of the 12 Dates of Christmas at a panto, and sent a few speculative messages to guys who I had been talking to.
This particular guy replied with a very frank message to let me know that I wasn’t really his ‘type’ and wish me well …
The next day, out of nowhere, I got another message apologising for how abrupt he had been. Meanie went on to explain that he was looking for a ‘tattooed mean girl to smack him around a bit’, and told me that ‘attractive, nice and intelligent’ as I seemed, he didn’t think I fit those criteria! (And could I please not tell our mutual friends that he’d told me any of that!)
Unfortunately that wasn’t the only sack off I received this week on POF!
I’d actually first started talking to ‘Mr Sackoff’ on Tinder.
His Tinder pics were of marathons and ski racing, and I figured we might have something in common. We chatted briefly on Tinder, and I asked about a panto, but he was on the other side of the country.
He popped up the next day on Plenty of Fish, having spotted that I used the same profile picture on both dating sites.
I laughed about how he had caught me (though my POF profile actually starts with the question ‘Why are you on here, and not on Tinder?!), and we began chatting again.
It was interesting comparing his POF profile to his Tinder one. On Tinder, because there is little room to tell anyone about yourself, he’d chosen photos which showed his interests and job, whereas on POF he’d chosen a selection of far more attractive photos. Interesting when you realise Tinder is the far more superficial app – relying purely on mutual attraction to photos.
It was late at night, and I wasn’t really thinking. I commented on how different his pictures were on the two dating sites, and went so far as to suggest which pictures of him were more flattering, and which he ought to use as his profile picture. ‘Your POF pics are way hotter than your Tinder ones!’
‘Dating Expert’ mode.
I can’t count how many peoples’ Tinder pics I’ve chosen, or how many online profiles I’ve helped amend.
As soon as I’d made the comments, I realised what I’d said. I was chatting to a guy I found attractive on an online dating site, telling him how to market himself better to other girls??? Schoolgirl error!
I backtracked, and figured honesty was the only way to explain my odd comments.
‘I write about dating … sorry it’s second nature, I help a lot of people choose photos for POF and Tinder’.
Immediately Mr Sackoff’s back went up.
He asked a few questions about my blog, and whether I was actually interested in any of the guys I speak to online, or whether I just use them as guinea pigs.
I replied honestly – that I’d only ever chat to a guy on Tinder or POF if I was genuinely interested. But my answer clearly didn’t cut it.
He curtly answered the questions I’d asked about his hometown and work, and finished the message with ‘Good luck with your job and your dates. I liked your photos.’
I replied, asking if that was his way of saying he didn’t want to go on a date with me because he knew I write about dates. I explained I’d be happy to go on a date I didn’t write about.
It didn’t work.
He replied again telling me he found it all too strange, and that he thought I’d already been on a date with his work colleague. He finished the second sack-off text with ‘It’s a shame because you look really interesting. Good luck.’
It was half one in the morning, and to be honest I’m actually surprised I bothered replying. I guess I figured there was nothing I could say to change his mind, but perhaps the blog would speak for itself. ‘LOL, I am really interesting! And I guess too honest for my own good! If you ever want to check out the blog, it’s 30datesblog.com x’
I fell asleep and didn’t think any more about my evening of blunt sack-off messages, other than to block Mr Sackoff from Tinder and delete his messages from my POF inbox. Plenty More Fish, and all that jazz ….
And then two days later a message from Mr Sackoff appeared on POF.
‘I have checked out your blog and it is extremely well written! Well done! I’m still apprehensive of the idea of being date number whatever it is … but you are very interesting and if you are still available then a date would be lovely? x’
(Note the apologetic addition of a kiss! None of his previous messages had ended with a kiss! Someone was eating humble pie … :))
‘Haha, are you backtracking?!’ I teased. ‘Pretty sure you ruled out the possibility of a date the other night?!’ I replied. No kiss. 🙂
And with that he apologised, asked me out again, and I agreed
Back when I started this blog, and went on Date 1 of the 30 Dates, I talked about changing someone’s name after the first impression.
Well Mr Sackoff has progressed from Mr Sackoff to Mr Second Chance … and you can find out how my date with him went in the next post …. 🙂
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx