Mr Sackoff & The Meanie

In dating terms, December is the month of the sack-off.

More fool me trying to set myself a challenge of 12 Dates of Christmas! It’s near impossible to hold down a December date … even with someone you’ve already met before! From rubbish weather, to Christmas TV, there are just too many reasons to stay indoors, and not venture out into the world of dating at the end of the year.

And no, that’s not just me making excuses. As you’ll see from The Student’s next post, I’m not the only one to be cancelled on at this festive time of year!

I recently returned to the world of Plenty of Fish. Having suspended my account post-Henley Boy, I was finally feeling a bit less jaded about the site, and after far too much time playing on Tinder, had decided I actually wanted to know more about a guy than his age and first name, before making contact.

In dating terms, rejection is far more visual on POF than on Tinder.

On Tinder, if you swipe Yes to someone, and don’t get an immediate Match, you can always kid yourself that the app hasn’t shown the guy your photo yet. And you have no means of contacting him until a mutual attraction is acknowledged.

On POF you can contact anyone. And for that reason, you can be rejected by anyone.

Obviously there is still passive rejection. You can send a message, and never receive a reply. And whilst the free version of the dating website claims not to tell you if a message has been read or not, if you have an iPhone, the app actually tells you whether or not your message has been read, and also if the other user has deleted it.

And then there is more overt rejection.

Now, most of the time, I have to admit to opting for the silent sack-off. If a guy I’m not interested in approaches me on POF, I simply won’t reply. It’s very rare that I’ll state outright that I’m not interested in someone, and to date that has only happened when someone has sent me several messages, demanding an answer why I haven’t replied.

The other day I received one of the most frank sack-off messages on POF I’ve ever received.

I had been chatting to a guy (who we’ll call Meanie, for reasons you’ll see in a sec!) throughout the evening. I was hoping to schedule one of the 12 Dates of Christmas at a panto, and sent a few speculative messages to guys who I had been talking to.

This particular guy replied with a very frank message to let me know that I wasn’t really his ‘type’ and wish me well …

Ouch. Burn!

The next day, out of nowhere, I got another message apologising for how abrupt he had been. Meanie went on to explain that he was looking for a ‘tattooed mean girl to smack him around a bit’, and told me that ‘attractive, nice and intelligent’ as I seemed, he didn’t think I fit those criteria! (And could I please not tell our mutual friends that he’d told me any of that!)


Unfortunately that wasn’t the only sack off I received this week on POF!

I’d actually first started talking to ‘Mr Sackoff’ on Tinder.

His Tinder pics were of marathons and ski racing, and I figured we might have something in common. We chatted briefly on Tinder, and I asked about a panto, but he was on the other side of the country.

He popped up the next day on Plenty of Fish, having spotted that I used the same profile picture on both dating sites.

I laughed about how he had caught me (though my POF profile actually starts with the question ‘Why are you on here, and not on Tinder?!), and we began chatting again.

It was interesting comparing his POF profile to his Tinder one. On Tinder, because there is little room to tell anyone about yourself, he’d chosen photos which showed his interests and job, whereas on POF he’d chosen a selection of far more attractive photos. Interesting when you realise Tinder is the far more superficial app – relying purely on mutual attraction to photos.

It was late at night, and I wasn’t really thinking. I commented on how different his pictures were on the two dating sites, and went so far as to suggest which pictures of him were more flattering, and which he ought to use as his profile picture. ‘Your POF pics are way hotter than your Tinder ones!’

‘Dating Expert’ mode.

I can’t count how many peoples’ Tinder pics I’ve chosen, or how many online profiles I’ve helped amend.

As soon as I’d made the comments, I realised what I’d said. I was chatting to a guy I found attractive on an online dating site, telling him how to market himself better to other girls??? Schoolgirl error!

I backtracked, and figured honesty was the only way to explain my odd comments.

‘I write about dating … sorry it’s second nature, I help a lot of people choose photos for POF and Tinder’.

Immediately Mr Sackoff’s back went up.

He asked a few questions about my blog, and whether I was actually interested in any of the guys I speak to online, or whether I just use them as guinea pigs.

I replied honestly – that I’d only ever chat to a guy on Tinder or POF if I was genuinely interested. But my answer clearly didn’t cut it.

He curtly answered the questions I’d asked about his hometown and work, and finished the message with ‘Good luck with your job and your dates. I liked your photos.’

I replied, asking if that was his way of saying he didn’t want to go on a date with me because he knew I write about dates. I explained I’d be happy to go on a date I didn’t write about.

It didn’t work.

He replied again telling me he found it all too strange, and that he thought I’d already been on a date with his work colleague. He finished the second sack-off text with ‘It’s a shame because you look really interesting. Good luck.’

It was half one in the morning, and to be honest I’m actually surprised I bothered replying. I guess I figured there was nothing I could say to change his mind, but perhaps the blog would speak for itself. ‘LOL, I am really interesting! And I guess too honest for my own good! If you ever want to check out the blog, it’s x’

I fell asleep and didn’t think any more about my evening of blunt sack-off messages, other than to block Mr Sackoff from Tinder and delete his messages from my POF inbox. Plenty More Fish, and all that jazz ….

And then two days later a message from Mr Sackoff appeared on POF.

‘I have checked out your blog and it is extremely well written! Well done! I’m still apprehensive of the idea of being date number whatever it is … but you are very interesting and if you are still available then a date would be lovely? x’

(Note the apologetic addition of a kiss! None of his previous messages had ended with a kiss! Someone was eating humble pie … :))

‘Haha, are you backtracking?!’ I teased. ‘Pretty sure you ruled out the possibility of a date the other night?!’ I replied. No kiss. 🙂

And with that he apologised, asked me out again, and I agreed

Back when I started this blog, and went on Date 1 of the 30 Dates, I talked about changing someone’s name after the first impression.

Well Mr Sackoff has progressed from Mr Sackoff to Mr Second Chance … and you can find out how my date with him went in the next post …. 🙂

Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

10 Comments on Mr Sackoff & The Meanie

  1. RequiredName // January 10, 2014 at 2:17 pm // Reply

    As for this….
    [QUOTE]I have checked out your blog and it is extremely well written! Well done! I’m still apprehensive of the idea of being date number whatever it is … but you are very interesting and if you are still available then a date would be lovely? x’[/QUOTE]

    Utter fantasy… it isn’t and you aren’t. There is only one reason why that bloke returned, he was fishing for the possibility of bagging someone that has a minute amount of internet notoriety. A simple notch and under those circumstances would say whatever it took.

    • WOW! Well, everyone is open to his or her own opinion, which is why I’ve approved this comment. And yes, not everyone will find the blog well written, or think I’m interesting, but I guess I’m fortunate to have had a lot more supportive comments in the past six months than negative ones.

      As for your cynical take on online dating, you’d think after six months serial dating I’d be the jaded one, but even before I met Mr SC I still gave people the benefit of the doubt and didn’t think they were all just looking for a ‘simple notch’.

      Two dates in and I’m pretty certain he wasn’t lying or telling me anything just to get me in bed. Though I do find it funny to think someone might want to ‘bag’ a dating blogger just for the sake of it.

      Maybe I’m naive, maybe I’m too trusting, but I’m pretty happy as is.

      So thanks for reading the blog, and sorry it isn’t to your tastes.

      Shame you didn’t feel you could share your name

      Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

  2. I’m not cynical about online dating.. I enjoy a certain amount of success with it.
    I couldn’t read your blog I’m afraid… I did try but I simply found boring. Sorry.
    If he is your “one” then great but time will tell.

    Men behave in strange ways for the possibility of a shag, I find it funny that you wouldn’t know that.
    I’m afraid, yes you are perhaps a tad naive and its always good to be happy and I certainly wouldn’t try and change that nor is it my intention to.

    I do tend to be a bit cagey with real life data on the interwebs but since you asked : Mark

  3. One last thing…. I did try to edit the previous post, I should apologise to you for the personal remarks, its not really fair of me to judge you in your entirety based on your blog, so I do apologise for that unreservedly.

    Good luck.


    • I appreciate the apology for the personal remarks you made about me.
      Cheers for coming back to reply

      Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

    • WOW – sorry Mark, just seen the Digital Spy forum (the blog records where people are linking up to my blog from)

      OUCH!!!!! You guys really don’t think highly of me at all do you?! And appear to have misread a lot of the things I’ve spoken about on here!

      Please thank Shappy for standing up for me – I couldn’t work out how to comment directly on your EHarmony feed (Have noticed the forum before especially as I think Fader is a part of it, but never seen such targetted mean stuff about me and my love life come up!)

      • I’m not going to try and justify my remarks beyond saying that for me it was never really intended to be personal which sounds wierd but as you will see makes a cunning kind of sense too.

        So what I will say (and I was reminded of this this evening to my shame because believe it or not I *do* try to live and let live) is that we are all people and we often forget and lose sight of it when bashing indignantly away on our keyboards. This isn’t a justification for it simply a staetment.

        In truth it hasn’t all been one sided and there have been those that have gone into bat for you
        and while I haven’t changed my opinion about your blog (this isn’t as devastating as you may think…. I feel this way about most blogs)
        I have changed my opinion in certain respects about you; it took gumption to publish my comment, you’ve made me think about the way I express myself and the framework within which I do it, I guess we all need reminding sometimes.

        So again, an unreserved apology.

        I genuinely do wish you all the best.


        PS If you want to say something to Shappy Drop me a line and I’ll pass it on… I’m sure Fader would too.


  4. Ok interesting read he sounded like a bloke who goes for a certain woman but having learnt more about you he seems to like you which is a bonus right? Im from the DS forums too under the name “Funk You” have been dipping in and out of these dating threads for ages and its good to read others stories about dating. Personally online dating is a back up for me, I feel face to face meeting first is better but each to own.

  5. Wow. Well done Miss Twenty-Nine on far more controlled and polite responses to Mark (especially to that first dreadfully bitter and bilious first message and it’s patronising follow-up) than I would have managed! I would say more but as this comments sections above has already shown, opinions online are ten a penny and I’d rather not feed the trolls. Simply, brava young lady 🙂 .

7 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. The Eighth Date of Christmas | The 30 Dates Blog
  2. The Sweet Taste of Failure! | The 30 Dates Blog
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  4. SINGLE – Measuring Up Against The Other Singletons (Fader) | The 30 Dates Blog
  5. The Crappy Side of Being Single | The 30 Dates Blog
  6. The Numbers Game | The 30 Dates Blog
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