SINGLE – An Ode to My Brain & My Heart (Tabula Rasa)

Tabula Rasa takes her turn to chip in to Body Confidence Week with a focus on two particular parts of her body!

Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

So noticeably I have been quiet on the blog of late.

The fact that I was ill for basically the entire of Christmas and having, only just this past week, begun to feel better, I’ve basically decided that MY New Year begins on the 1st of February.

But, for once, the promise of a new year doesn’t fill me with the usual apprehension and ever so slight depression, because, despite feeling significantly less than 100% for basically all of December and January, I have, in fact, met someone who has put a smile on my face, and life has taken an unexpected turn for the positive for all sorts of reasons.

In keeping with the body confidence theme of this week, I wanted to write a post about a couple of really important parts of the body ; the brain and the heart. And ultimately, mental confidence ; something I have realised I have a hell of a lot more these days.

As most of you know, my motivation for becoming an ED was mostly due to the fact that I’d gone through a terrible and painful break up, and had taken myself off the market for a year.

I don’t think that, until now, I had fully realised the positive effect that a year to myself had.

Like Miss Twenty-Nine, the new guy that I’ve met, is a dad.

This is always something I’ve been a little wary of, and I swore I’d never date a guy who has a kid, because I (much to the amusement of my friends) don’t actually like children that much.

But, when I think about it, my Dad (obviously!) has kids, and he’s the best bloke I know. So it can’t be that bad right?

One of my closest friends has also started a relationship with a guy who has a child. They’ve been together for what must be almost a year now, and I’ve never seen her happier.

The truth is, you can meet the guy who you think is ideal for you, like I thought my ex was. They can fit all your pre-constructed ideas of who your perfect partner is, and then, they can just blow it all right out of the water by being a complete and utter arsehole.

It’s true what they say. Hindsight is the most wonderful thing.

When I look back on my previous relationship; the one I thought was “IT”. I now realise, that “IT” wasn’t all that.

It’s funny how, when you emerge from the fog of an actually-not-so-great relationship, and the subsequent break up, everything looks different.

We’ve all been there. It’s like the light has gone out on that particular phase of your life, and it’s a pretty amazing feeling when you realise that you are truly over that person who at one point, you thought you would never get over.

You have confidence in yourself, because you’ve gone through something that was so heartbreakingly difficult and painful, and guess what? You’ve survived it!

Unexpectedly meeting someone who is actually quite wonderful and a totally different person to any of my exes, has made me realise what I learnt from my year alone.

I realised, what I want, and need from a relationship. I realised what I will and  won’t tolerate. I realised what is respectable behaviour from a guy, and what isn’t. I realised that really, it’s not so bad to be me. I realised that I am actually a bloody good catch. But most of all, I realised what I deserve.

Subsequently, I’m a totally different person with this new guy than I was with my ex.

I am confident in myself and my ability to date him.

I am confident in my behaviour and his.

I am confident that, if we stop seeing each other, it won’t be anything that’s intrinsically wrong with me that causes it.

So here’s to our brains and our hearts; the most amazing parts of all our bodies.

Sometimes unconsidered; but never to be underestimated.

To my brain for changing my outlook on relationships and my worth, and to my heart, for coming through something that I thought I would never recover from, and for having the potential to open up again to someone else.

Thanks guys; I couldn’t of done it without you!

I’ll keep you all posted 🙂

Tabula Rasa xx