SEX – The Many Misconceptions of Lesbian Sex! (New Realist)

So last week was #SexWeek on the blog.  The EDs still have heaps of posts to share, so I’m going to continue with the sex theme this week, mixing up the posts with some of our normal dating advice and commentary.

As I mentioned last night with Northstar’s post on HIV and Aids risks in the gay community, one of the reasons for having such a diverse team of writers is to benefit from all different angles on a topic.  Following in the same vein, The New Realist, the blog’s newly-engaged lesbian writer (eek 🙂 ) brings her own spin to #SexWeek.

Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

The moment any lesbian speaks of her sexuality there is always one person with that burning question

‘So …. how do lesbians have sex?!”

Anybody would think it was rocket science!  I would like to say I have a degree in pleasing women but really it isn’t that difficult! (some men might want to take note … and some women for that matter)

I have always said I would much rather someone ask me a question about my lifestyle before assuming something of me.  Over the years I have picked up a fair few ponderings and seeing as it is Sex Week here at 30 Dates I figured what better time than now to share these with the world?

Can lesbians have sex?

For me this seems a ridiculous question, but let’s be honest if you have never done something yourself you are never going to be 100% sure of the facts.

Yes, sexual intercourse is generally a term used for procreation. But what most people don’t realise is that sex and sexual intercourse are not the same thing. The Oxford English Dictionary states that sex is the activity practised before intercourse. Hey presto, lesbians CAN have sex!

How do Lesbians have sex?

There are many different ways lesbians can have sex and it will always be different from one lesbian to another. Some might prefer to just use fingers and tongues, others might want to use a strap-on or a dildo, and others might want to partake in some light fisting.

Just like a straight relationship, everyone is different.

(I would hope that no one would need me to go into any real detail, after all this is a blog, not an erotic story but feel free to ask!)

Who F*!ks who?

Ok so this is where I think people get a little confused.

By comparison, I think lesbian sex is a lot more complex than ‘straight’ sex. I think there is a bigger thought process, as there are a lot more options to how you are going to approach the moment. For me, with a man and a woman, it’s as simple as ‘it goes in there’.

As a lesbian, my thought process revolves around working out how my partner is feeling, reading her movements, and her body language, and listening to her.

Should I be inside her?  Should I be concentrating more on the clit?  Would she prefer my tongue?

This makes it pretty difficult to be able to pleasure each other at the same time. When your brain is in overload it’s hard to relax. For those that can master the technique of both at the same time, I envy you!

Some couples will also use strap on (we’ll come to them later) to try and get that ‘let’s cum together’ moment.

From past experience, most lesbians will stick to the rule that whoever initiates things must finish what they started before getting anything in return.

All lesbians scissor!

Obviously a statement rather than a question, but one that follows every lesbian around like a bad smell!

If you don’t know what scissoring is, this is the act of two women rubbing their genitals together whilst interlocking their legs.

Yes it is as difficult as it sounds!

Most lesbians will have tried scissoring at least once and I would bet on it that not one of them said it was easy. For some strange reason this fantasy is out there that all women have amazing body strength and that they can hold themselves up with one arm whilst thrusting sideways and also having their own clit stimulated!!!

This is just not true.

Yes, if you can manage to get into that position, it’s a brilliant feeling.  But unless you really have the patience, and that all important body strength, it is unlikely you will be there for any length of time before getting too horny or frustrated you need to move on.

Why are you a lesbian if you want to use a strap-on?

There are few questions that wind me up as much as this one.

Only the most ignorant of men will ask.

Yes I say men but that is only down to the fact that I have never been asked the question by a woman.

For me a strap-on is not there to represent a penis. If I wanted a penis, I would be with a man.

I think many lesbians will have their own views on strap-ons and dildos but here’s mine.

For me, as much as I feel my sexuality is normal, the human race is designed through evolution to procreate. This is done through a man having sexual intercourse with a woman. The shape and design of a penis is there to fit the shape and design of the vagina. The fact it feels good is an added bonus!

For me, a strap-on is purely an object designed to fit the vagina the same way a penis does.

I don’t own any sex toys that look like a penis and that is purely down to the fact that it isn’t what I want.

For me it is about being close to the person you are having sex with.

For lesbians it’s difficult to hold your partner if you have one hand down her trousers or your face between her legs. By using a strap-on I can pleasure her, and hold her at the same time.  Feeling someone’s skin against yours and the power of their heart beat is all part of the excitement of sex.

Have you all slept with each other?

Being a minority, lesbians tend to find that it is slim pickings for dates.

Most lesbians in a certain geographical area will know each other or at least know of each other.

If you find a ‘local’ lesbian that hasn’t been with one of your friends it’s a miracle.

For those of you out there that have seen ‘The L Word’ you will remember Alice and her chart.

This chart had Alice in the middle and in a brain storm kind of fashion lead off to the people she had slept with and then the people they had slept with and so on and so on. The point behind this chart was to prove that there is always a link between you and someone else in the lesbian community through who you have slept with.

A fictional graphic on a TV show, but completely true for close-knit lesbian life.

A lesbian will generally have to move further afield, and out of her usual circle of friends to find someone who she hasn’t already slept with or  who one of her friends hasn’t slept with.

(Just for the record that isn’t why I moved down south 😉 )

What is lesbian bed death?

By definition I would say this is where a lesbian couple have hit the point where they no longer have sex.

This may be due to lack of a sex drive, because the couple have become too much like sisters, or they’ve had too much sex or they just generally get bored.

On a scientific level I believe it has something to do with testosterone and the lack of it in an all female relationship.

A woman’s sex drive doesn’t tend to hit its peak until her mid 30s and most straight couples rely on a man’s sex drive to keep their sex lives active.

A lot of lesbian couples will find that anywhere from 2 months to 2 years into a relationship they just don’t have sex anymore. It doesn’t mean that they don’t fancy their partner or that they don’t feel aroused by them, it just means that they don’t have the drive at the right time to initiate sex.

A healthy relationship will acknowledge this difficulty when it starts and make a point of scheduling sex in like an appointment in a woman’s diary 🙂

I hope I have shed a little light into the sex life of a lesbian but just let us know if you want to know more …

The New Realist