One of the main reasons I’ve continued this blog long past my original 30 Dates challenge, is the lessons I’ve learned first hand along the way. The thing about dating is that sometimes the lessons we learn are rather painful. And I figured if I could save even one other person having to learn the hard way, or at least offer solace that someone else had bee through it too, then it was worth putting virtual pen to paper.
One of the most painful lessons I’ve learned whilst writing blog, is that the dating game isn’t simply about finding the right person. It’s about finding the right person at the right time. And that time needs to be right for both of you.
Long-term readers will remember that around this time last year, a certain someone was sweeping me off my feet. A guy, who I’ll admit, I genuinely thought was my ‘One’. I believed I’d learned enough lessons, and found someone who didn’t necessarily fit the mould I first expected, but was in reality my ideal guy. Something just clicked. And to this day, I have never met someone so instantly right for me.
Except, whilst Mr SC may have been the right guy for me, it wasn’t the right time for him. And as I was to learn the hard way, timing is just as important as finding the right person.
I don’t know about you, but I always used to underestimate the ‘Looking for …’ section on an online dating profile. “Yeah yeah, they’re just saying they want something casual because they don’t want to seem too keen.” “Anyone who’s online clearly wants a relationship …” It’s easy to jump to conclusions or make excuses for someone you don’t know, but the reality is that life is not cut and dry. The more exciting our lives become, the more complicated they also become. We no longer live in an age where we meet someone who seems pretty decent, and settle down, no questions asked. In 2015, as daters we have options, and we have a whole range of relationship scenarios available. And it’s particularly important to understand what those scenarios entail, and require from you. Sometimes in life, whilst you might want a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it may be completely impractical to have one.
Sometimes, despite having actively looked for a particular scenario, whether it’s a casual fling, or a serious relationship, the reality is it’s only when we’re in the fledgling stages, that we appreciate we don’t have the time, or the inclination for that arrangement after all. And those are the times which hurt the hardest.
As I said, I write this blog because I’ve been there. Because for the past three years, I’ve been single and riding the rollercoaster of peaks and troughs which come with single status. And one of my lowest troughs was getting over Mr SC, because the problem wasn’t with him. It was with the timing of it all – something which was completely out of my hands. And it’s a hell of a lot easier to get over someone when they have done something wrong.
If I were to give one piece of advice to someone in today’s dating game, it’s to be honest with yourself. What do you want? What do you have time for? What does the other person want? Do you have the same desires? Are you both at the same stage in life?
It’s not a failure to admit you’re not on the same page. We all prioritise different things at different stages in our lives. Sometimes it needs to be family or your career which comes first, and you may have to put romance on the back burner. Sometimes you just need time single to truly understand and appreciate yourself. I actually stumbled upon the movie ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ this afternoon, and the final closing minutes of that movie couldn’t sum up that sentiment any better! As with most things in life, we’re all at slightly different stages, with slightly different requirements.
So next time you’re looking for a match, don’t just think about their age or their height, or how much they earn! Have a proper think about where they are in life. Are they looking for the same things you are? Are they in a position where the relationship developments you wish to pursue are realistic? Sobering questions, but ones which, if you ask early enough in the relationship, could save you a hell of a lot of heart ache! Trust me on that one! 😉
Miss Twenty-Nine xxx