SINGLE – The Other Side of the Rebound

As the Experimental Dating ranks fill up … creeping ever closer to the full set of thirty, we’ve become something of a community.  The Rebound Gal just spoke about the moral support she received from some of the other EDs on her way to her date on Sunday.  And this morning, I realised just how carefully we read each others’ work when The Flash called me up on something.  ‘Whatever happened to Guy Fawkes?‘ she asked me over email.  ‘Did I miss a post about him?

The simple answer, is No, she didn’t miss the post.

It’s a tricky situation to be in sometimes, blogging about your love life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve obviously put myself in this situation.  And it was just about manageable during the 30 Dates By 30 Challenge – if not a little awkward at times.  But as the Blog enters Phase Two, things have changed.

For a start, this Challenge is more open-ended.  And whilst one of the reasons I’ve introduced Experimental Daters to the 30 Dates Blog is for the very reason of being able to continue the blog without remaining single indefinitely, it is obviously a lot easier to write this blog if I remain single.  At least for the forseeable future, anyway!

The eagle-eyed among you will have noticed that I announced on Twitter that I’ve signed a contract with an (as-yet-unnamed) company to remain single for the next three months.  Surely the perfect trigger for the man of my dreams to appear on my doorstep?!

But the reality of this blog, is that single or not, it’s not really as anonymous as it may appear!  Just this week I realised that all of my most senior managers at work have read the blog (THANK GOD I’ve never been tempted to write about my sex life on here!), and the reality of 30 Dates is that most of my friends and acquaintances are aware of the Challenge, because this blog links up to my Facebook, and the majority of my summer revolved round singles events and random dating annecdotes.

And so, whilst a site like Tinder may appear anonymous, the links to Facebook mean it’s only a matter of time before someone I meet on the app learns about my crazy Dating hobby!

Guy Fawkes is the perfect example.  Some of you may recall, he was the one who lit up my Bonfire’s Night – chatting to me over Tinder on November 5th, while the non-single world snuggled up by bonfires, and oohed and aahed at fireworks.

As my Second Date with The Enigma proved during my 30 Dates Challenge, if I go quiet about a guy, it probably means I like him.  And the sign that things had gone well on my first date with Guy Fawkes, was the fact I delayed writing about him.

There are various reasons for my decision not to write about my first #WednesdayDatingClub date …

For a start, he knew about the blog.  When we started chatting on Tinder, our only mutual friend was one of my 30 Dates – yet again proving just how small the world of London dating can be!  Only last week, I had an email from a blog reader who had gone on a date with the Skype Date! (only to realise midway through the date who he was!).

Realising if Guy Fawkes were to ask his friend about me, the Challenge would be the first thing The Queen’s Guard mentioned, I decided to bite the bullet, and tell him immediately about the blog – even sending him a link to the write-up of my date with the Queen’s Guard.  When he continued talking to me, I relaxed, and realised it was far easier being honest.  Though my honesty came with a price – for the blog at least.  One of the first things Guy Fawkes did was check that I wasn’t going to write about our date.

And here is where I realised something rather awkward about the blog and my summer …  I’ve become a bit of a Dating addict!  Or rather, a Dating blog addict!  Because when you’ve spent your summer writing about Dates, and you happen upon a (really rather good) date with some very comic aspects, it’s impossible not to want to write about it!

I’m a gossip by nature.  And the secrets I’ve always been worst at keeping are my own.

Now, I don’t want to betray Guy Fawkes’ privacy.  But I will tell you a couple of rather amusing things, which have made me smile in the two weeks since I first met him on Tinder.

For a start, he knows the Queen’s Guard, because he works with him.  As in – his job is to guard Windsor Castle and Buckingham Palace!  So I inadvertently nicknamed someone whose job it is to protect royalty … after a man who tried to assassinate a King by blowing up the Houses of Parliament …

Oops!

Secondly (and I don’t think he’ll begrudge me for telling you this …) Guy Fawkes has a rather amusing take on the British language!  A side-effect of serving in perhaps the most traditional Regiment of the British Army.  His everyday vocabulary includes phrases like ‘Roger that Dodger!’, ‘Cracking’, ‘Kaibosh’ and ‘Ching Chong!’ (instead of Cheers).  I have spent the vast majority of my dates with Guy giggling over his vocabulary and teasing him for using phrases I’ve only ever heard in Carry On Films.

To date, I’ve enjoyed three really fun dates with Guy Fawkes.

For some, three dates would be something serious.

And probably, before this summer, three dates would have meant something serious to me.

But this time, three dates has just been three meals.  Three fun, interesting evenings, with a guy who has tales which fascinate me, and has done challenges and travelling straight of my personal bucket list.

But there are a number of reasons why at present, even if Guy Fawkes were that man of my dreams appearing on my doorstep (who my contract will inevitably attract!) dates with him can’t be too serious…

For a start, there’s the good old ‘Single’ Contract!

And yes, whilst I realise I could easily (secretly!) break it … we’ve already established I’m rubbish with secrets.   And besides, in writing this blog, in part I feel like I’ve signed an unwritten Single contract with myself.  And all the thousands of readers … No one wants me to become Coupled-Up just yet do they?? 😉

Then, more realistically, there’s the new outlook this blog and Challenge have given me on Dating.

I Date like a Boy!  Three fun, interesting dates with Guy Fawkes has shown me a completely different perspective on the Henley Boy situation.  Where you can have a lot of fun with someone, and really like them as a person, but still not necessarily want anything serious.  And so whilst I will never understand his rudeness, perhaps I can appreciate the start of my summer with less rose-tinted glasses these days.

Thirdly there is also the reality of Guy Fawkes’ job role.  He’s an Army Boy – something I’ve discussed in posts before.  With that job comes deployment.  And for him rather imminent deployment.  I’ve told you guys my thoughts on long-distance relationships before …

But finally … and this is where my dates with Guy Fawkes link up to the sense of a 30 Dates Dating Community, and the various posts Rebound Gal has written about Rebound Dating – Guy Fawkes has reminded me about life on the Other Side of the Rebound.

Because Guy Fawkes has just come out of a very longterm, serious relationship.

And this is something where I have personally been burned before. (Like that metaphor?! 😉 )

Not once, but twice.

I’ve never been the one on the Rebound before.

But two of my most recent boyfriends had just come out of relationships when I began dating them.  And when I first read Rebound Gal’s posts, a lot of what she had to say about dating on the rebound hit home.  For all the wrong reasons.

Dating on The Rebound can be a very difficult thing.  But it can also be really rather tough for the person on the other side of the bounce back.

If you’ve been in a longterm relationship, you’re used to a certain level of intimacy.  You’ve become accustomed to nightly phone calls.  To texting without thinking twice about getting in touch.  To grand romantic gestures, spending hours in each other’s company, and leaping headlong into love.

But that’s not what the normal first stages of a relationship are like.

First encounters are careful. They’re hesitant.  You don’t want to appear too keen for fear of scaring the other person away.  You test the water.  You don’t just dive in at the deep end! (Rebound Gal’s diving metaphor!) 

Switching sporting metaphors – the thing about running before you can walk is that sometimes, whilst it can be a lot of fun to skip those initial, tentative steps, the quicker you run, the harder you fall.

As someone who has always identified herself as a ‘girlfriend-candidate’ – I’ve never really done one-night stands or flings, and enjoy being in a relationship – I’ve often found myself caught up in someone else’s rebound.

When all you want is a guy to snuggle up with, and do fun stuff with, it can be easy to be swept away in the excitement of a Rebound’s advances.

But the problem with a Rebound, is that like all whirlwinds, they don’t continue moving forever.  And when things finally comes to settle, the devastation left behind can be awful.

Twice I dated guys who had just come out of longterm relationships.  Twice I entered into full-on, amazing, intimate relationships with men I cared about.  And twice I was kicked to the kerb, six months later, when they finally realised they’d never had time to get over their exes.  And that they’d rushed into things with me, and built a serious relationship, on non-existant foundations.

Running can be really really fun, especially when you have someone at your side, but in order to keep going, and be able to run for miles, you have to start right back from scratch, and remember how to walk again.  Because boring as they may seem when you’re used to so much more, those baby steps become the foundations of any new relationships.  And the minute anything becomes even remotely tough, you’ll need to rely on those foundations.

So I completely applaud Rebound Gal for getting back out there on the Dating Circuit.  For taking that leap of faith, and deciding to mark the end of her mourning period by re-entering the Singles Market with a big old swan dive.

But my advice to her is NOT to jump right into the Deep End, but take it slowly, and maybe enter by the steps at the other end of the pool!

As for me, I’ll continue to see Guy Fawkes.  But I’ve been very clear on where I stand with everything.

For the first time in a very long time, I’m really enjoying being single and dating.  I don’t want anything serious, and I don’t think he’s in any position to even think about anything serious.

So, if he hasn’t disowned me for mentioning his ‘name’ on the blog, I’ll consider Date Four with Guy Fawkes, but continue with all the fun that Dating has to offer.

Because when I next settle down with a guy, I don’t plan to just be his Rebound.

Miss Twenty-Nine xxx

2 Comments on SINGLE – The Other Side of the Rebound

  1. I have fallen prey to the same situation, where sometimes I just can’t wait to write up a date rather than enjoy it! (and I tend to never write up the really good ones) But hey, it’s all good fun and I am enjoying your blog as a new reader!!

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